Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
Because they dropped out of the school.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky!
What do horses eat with their salad? Dressage-ing.
Near an ear, a nearer ear, a nearly eerie ear.
After the rain has cleared and the sun comes out, rainbows are so quick to appear they'll red like wildfire.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
What is the only animal smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee!
If you doubt whether bowling is a sport, get it from me, that yes, it is a sport, but for people who have talent to spare.
Where are noses made?
At the olfactory.
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
When the baseball team chose an owl masot, did they get a designated hooter?
Nowadays, people drought the accuracy of weather men because the climatic patterns are so unpredictable.
What do you call a lazy crayfish?
A slobster.
How far can a mango,
If he's got a license but doesn't avocado ?
Why do eggs hate jokes? Because they could crack up.
It's nearly 6 years since US Navy SEALs took out Osama Bin Laden in Pakistan.
Talk Abbottabad place to hide.
What do you call a dinosaur that eats fireworks? A dino-mite
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
What happened to the cat that went to the flea circus? She stole the whole show.
The best way to a man's heart is through his stomach."
The surgeon was fired later that day.
During labor, the nurse came up to my wife and said, “How about epidural anesthesia?”
I said, “Thanks, but we already picked a name.”
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
I tried to warn my son about the dangers of Russian roulette...
It went in one ear and out the other.
Are you talking about your aunt on your mom's side, or...
Deodorant?
What do you call a can of pop found in a conglomerate?
Coca-Cola Clastic
If you missed essential tomato cooking class
You can’t ketchup.
Why don't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
How do werewolves eat lunch?
They wolf it down.
What is it called when two Irish couples go out on a date?
Dublin.
Q: Why did no one like peach’s personality?
A: Because it had a heart of stone.
What happens when a duck flies upside down?
It quacks up.
Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
What do you call dangerous precipitation?
A rain of terror.
How do ghosts wash their hair? Sham-boo.
What goes dot-dot-croak, dot-dash-croak?
Morse toad.
We have always been in turtle awe of her artistic skills.
Why don't gorillas vote?
They're ape-political.
Why is a field of grass always older than you?
Because it's pasture age
Where do you store peach juice? Inside of a peach-er.
Ignore your mother's bad joke, son...
It's a faux pa.
Icy what you did there!
The sweetest and punny name to call a pig is Mudpie.
If your boat turns upside down in the river, you can wear it on your head because it's capsized.
Why was the horse a great editor?
She was very thorough bred.
The national news did a story on my friend's bumper crop of green citrus fruits.
He loves being in the limelight.
Why are werewolves better than vampires?
Werewolves don’t have a problem with steaks.
If your girlfriend/wife ever gets you a gladiator uniform, it's a pretty good sign.
She wants you to be more Roman-tic.
You just can’t trust real estate developers.
They’re always busy with plots and schemes.
Q: Where do fruits like to go on vacations?
A: To the peach.