What did the worm want to do when he grew up? He wanted to join the Apple Core (Corps).
My teacher told me in History class to do some light reading on the history of the light bulb.
Avoid pier pressure.
What do you get when you use a cookie cutter shaped like a deer? Cookie doe!
What you call the Ghost of a Chicken? Poultry-geist.
What kind of car do fancy horses drive?
Mustangs.
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
What do you call a chicken staring at a salad?
Chicken sees a salad.
Why can't you trust zebras?
Because they're convicted horse felons.
What do you call a Jamaican man born in Italy?
Reggae-Toni.
What do you call really scared pasta?
Chicken noodles.
Should you plant flowers in any month besides April?
May as well!
Why do spider-musicians always have such long concert tours?
Because they have so many legs.
Books are my kind of texts.
What do you call an elf who steals Christmas present wrapping from the wealthy and gives it to the poor?
Ribbon Hood.
What kind of ice cream do pigs like best?
Hoggin Daz!
Most camels prefer camelmile drinks because of the nutrition in there.
I tried making a machine that shoots bullets out of your fingers, but it shot out my spine instead.
Well, that back fired.
What kind of helmet does a hermit crab wear?
A shell-met!
You raise the bar.
What do you give a sick penguin?
Tweetment.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
What does a mom of a football fan hate the most?
A messi room.
Yally Bally had a jolly golliwog. Feeling folly, Yally Bally Bought his jolly golli' a dollie made of holly! The golli', feeling jolly, named the holly dollie, Polly. So Yally Bally's jolly golli's holly dollie Polly's also jolly!
Jack is a lovable man with a colorful personality. He is a great hue-man.
Someone told me that it takes 5 sheep to make a sweater.
I didn't know they could knit!
Why are glow worms good to carry in your bag? They can lighten your load.
Beauty is only pig skin deep
I like bowling.
Seriously, it’s right up my alley.
How would you describe a pun about a pun?
They're pun-ishingly bad!
My cat just cut the grass.
She's a lawn meower.
When you cross an orange and a bunny, you will end up with a pip squeak.
What did one blade of grass say to another about the lack of rain?
I guess we'll just have to make dew.
I sat on some peas in the car. It was a bumpea ride.
What do you get when you plant a Donut?
A pastree.
A bunch of chill-dren from the neighborhood played all afternoon in the snow.
I was talking to a barn owl last night, when I mentioned that I'd just got engaged.
He said, "You twit! To who?"
What are strange donuts made out of?
Weird-doughs.
That’s a-may-zing!
Why do all kids want to be an astronaut?
Because there is no pressure.
The Covid-19 vaccine should be tested on politicians first...
If they survive, the vaccine is safe.
If they don't, the country is safe.
What did the fruit lover say after he met a girl?
I’ve got a date
Why is the 7 key on the keyboard so afraid?
Because the & is near
My late father once said
Sorry I’m late.
"Love the wine you're with."
Why do beavers make the best neighbors?
Because they mind their own dam business.
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
What did the big stag deer say to the hunter?
“Buck off, man!”
Who’s your paddy?
I slit a sheet, a sheet I slit, upon a slitted sheet I sit.