Why was the deer a good driver? He was great at using the deering wheel!
"I carrot wait for the Easter Bunny."
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
What’s a pig’s favorite holiday? Ar-boar Day.
What did the llama say when he found out he had been robbed?
“I’ve been fleeced!”
What type of bar is kid friendly?
A chocolate bar.
Why do math teachers make good dancers?
Because they have algorithm.
My flamingo friends are always making me pay for dinner. I find that they can be real cheepskates.
Our church band is just two ladies on percussion...
It’s quite the CoNunDrum
Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who traveled in thirty different countries and learned to speak six languages? He was a man of many cultures.
People in Iran are scared of spiders
But in Iraq, no phobia.
What do you get if you cross a pumpkin with a bigfoot?
A Sasquash.
Old Software Engineers Never Die...
They just reboot.
Why did the lights go out? Because they liked each other!”
How many grammar cops does it take to change a light bulb?
Too.
Why did the koala bear eat so much eucalyptus? He simply couldn’t leaf it alone.
What do you get if you cross a worm and a young goat?
A dirty kid!
What do gorillas and orangutans wear in the kitchen?
Ape-rons.
What sport does the Koolaid man play?
Baseball. He's a pitcher.
I took a walk down by the river the other day and I heard two birds speaking Spanish...
Turns out they were Portu-Geese.
The group of beavers loved the river because it has a really bubbly personality.
What are the best sandwiches to serve at a St. Patrick’s Day party?
Paddy melts!
I've been diagnosed with a type of amnesia that makes me deny the existence of certain 80's bands.
There is no cure.
Why did the skeleton go to acting classes?
He wanted tibia star.
What does a hunter do with a basketball?
He shoots it.
Top 25 Funniest Duck Names:
1. James Pond
2. Quack Sparrow
3. Duck Norris
4 Quacks-a-Lot
5 Quackhead
6 Quacko
7. Quackers
8. Nutquacker
9. Quacker Jack
10. Quack Efron
11. Quack Black
12. Moby Duck
13. Quackula
14. Sir Duckington
15. Eggbert
16. Quackers
17. Duckleberry Finn
18. Quacker Jack
19. Lucky Duck
20. Cheese and quackers
21. Quaker Jack
22. Duckingham Palace
23.Waddles
24. Quackie Chan
25 Firequacker
How do baseball players stay in contact with each other?
They touch base every once in a while.
What's the worst part about being a beaver?
It's a lot of dam work.
What is the most affordable type of meat that we would purchase?
“Dear balls because they are always under a buck.”
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
Why do cows have no money?
Because farmers milk them dry.
Why did the electrical cords break up? There was no spark between them.”
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
What do you get when a duck bends over?
It’s Buttquack
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
What did the zombie say when she fell out with her vampire friend?
- You're dead to me!
Which dance will a chicken not do?
The foxtrot.
Birch, please.
This event is sure to be out of bounds.
Q: Why was the cherry by himself?
A: Because the banana split.
My wife has been giving me a hard time about my drinking. Eventually, I agreed to quit cold turkey.
Never cared for leftovers anyway.
Love the beach. Can I be any more Pacific?
Five fuzzy French frogs Frolicked through the fields in France.
A sloth walks in to a bar and waves to get the bartender’s attention, and says I’ll have...... a soda water.
The bartender replies “why the long paws?”
What do you call a nut with facial hair?
A mustachio.
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
You can't blame anyone if you fall in your driveway due to snowy weather...
Because that's your own asphalt.
A strawberry feels most comfortable in its py-jam-as.
What is at the end of a rainbow?
The letter W.
The painter did not want to sit idle because he knew that time white for no one.