Why are acorns bad at telling jokes? Because they tend to be acorn-y.
"I would hop to the end of the world for you."
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
For waterproofing their nests, crows buy caw-king.
Which birds go to church a lot?
Birds of pray.
The reason you will see all the cows lie down when it starts to rain is because they want to keep each
udder dry.
I want to tell you an excellent ice pun, but the problem is that it’s just slipped my mind.
I work in security, and i want to get a pumpkin for my desk
It shall be a security gourd.
What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a large chested crab?
One’s a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean
What is a cat’s favorite game to play with a mouse? Catch!
What is the head of an Italian dinosaur family called? Ptera Don
My mother always told me that the best place to mend clothing is in a wash basin
but I don't sink sew.
What is worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.
My mom is really soup-rised at the outcome when she puts yeast in the broth.
I hear the Minotaur is really stubborn....
He's really bull-headed.
What is a tiny cell phone called? A microphone.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
What is a chillin' banana's favorite song?
Mellow Yellow!
Why did the skeleton want to join band?
He wanted a trom-bone!
What money do zombies use?
Crypt-o-currency.
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it round the garden.
I know when I store files, my computer gets hungry. It starts telling me about the bytes I use and how many are remaining for him to fill up completely.
"Another glass? Wine not?!"
What did the pitcher tell the bat? Batter-up.
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
What do you think walking on the moon is like?
Not very impactful.
What do you call two banana skins?
A pair of slippers.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk
What is the perfect day to go to the beach?
Sun-day!
In the Camel Kingdom, the king and his family live in the Camelot castle.
What do Alfred the Great and Ivan the Terrible have in common?
Their middle name.
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
Where do electricians get their supplies? The Ohm Depot.
How will you save yourself if you come across an aggressive alien? Give him some space.
Why would a real estate business never close down?
Since it’ll never be out of commission.
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
What do you call Vietnamese animal doctors?
Vietnam Vets.
What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
What's a lion's favorite color?
ROARange
Behind every great parent is a great kid. Happy birthday!
Why’d the lettuce blush?
It saw the salad dressing.
What do sailors drink when they gather at a tavern to commiserate?
Port whine!
"I carrot wait for the Easter Bunny."
What do you call it when a monster gets mad?
Ogre-reacting!
Some people think anyone who sells meat is gross. But, people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.
What did baby clock ask mama clock? Where's father Thyme.
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
I would like to take a moment and thank my eyeballs.
Thanks for looking out for me.