And what's its favorite Bob Marley song? Don't Worry, Be Frappé.
A truck carrying Lego got into an accident on the motorway. No one knows what happened; the authorities are still trying to piece everything together.
What did the water plant worker say when their facility flooded?
Dam.
The pecan is ready to come out of its’ shell and see the world.
What car make did the Apostles drive?
Honda… because the apostles were all in one Accord.
What did the cow that was struck by lightning say?
I'm udderly shocked.
What does a good spice rack help you win? The Hunger Games.
During our journey through the savanna grasslands, we kept track of time with the help of an hour-grass.
Never tell a taco a secret
It will spill the beans
Did you hear about the crab who went to a seafood disco?
He pulled a mussel.
What did the cow who barged the other cow say?
Moo-ve!
The only time a basketball team can chase a baseball team is five after nine.
What do you get when a penguin lays an egg on a hill?
An eggroll.
Did you know that if you poured salt on a cat's tail it will fall off?
It's true! And if you pour pepper on a cat's tail, the pepper will also fall off.
Why is it a bad idea to give a cat a bath?
It will surely end in a cat-astrophe.
What is the difference between a wet day and a lion with a toothache? A wet day is pouring with rain, the other is roaring with pain.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite type of music?
R n’ Brie.
The peach couple is in love. They seem to be born for peach other.
I went into my art lesson covered in yeast and flour...
My teacher said, I'm the perfect roll model.
What does a biologist wear when they're going out?
Designer genes.
My local Italian restaurant is moving to Italy
They are moving to greener pasta.
Where do prehistoric reptiles like to go on vacation? To the dino-shore.
What was the shark’s favorite Tim Burton film?
Edward Scissorfins.
What do cannibals eat for dessert?
Chocolate covered aunts.
When Miss Acid told her husband, Mr Alkali, she was pregnant...
He exploded with anger.
It wasn't the reaction she was hoping for.
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
Why don’t bears eat fast food?
Because it’s hard for them to catch.
What did the scientist’s cat say? I think I’ve lost an electron, I’m pawsitive!
Where do rocks like to sleep? In bedrocks!
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
Whichever gator stole all the food, we'll catch the crook-a-dile.
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
What do you call a really cold, young werewolf?
A pupsicle.
My computer wants to build a snowman.
It's frozen.
If an Octopus were to play football, how many tackles per game would an Octopus have?
Tentacles
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
When Berry the dog dug up the woman's strawberry patch, she angrily exclaimed "That is the final straw, Berry."
How do you prepare a Gorilla sundae? Your start getting it ready Fridae and Saturdae!
Where do the teenaged polar bears go to dance?
To the snow-ball.
Q: Why are orange and banana phones so popular these days?
A: They have appeal.
What did the aged cheddar say when his mom told him he couldn’t see a movie that was rated R?
“I’m mature for my age.”
Why did the sapling jump in the ocean? He wanted to swim with the manatrees.
TIL that, on average, humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
This is partially due to the fact that most humans don’t like the taste of monkey.
How did the beaver introduce his wife? This is my significant otter.
Big black bugs bleed blue black blood but baby black bugs bleed blue blood.
I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s see salt.
What did the father ant said to his son when they moved to france from america?
"Son, we are now Europeants!"
I met a girl that owned three french-fry factories. I was impressed but to her it was just small potatoes.
Lately my wife has been looking at me as if I'm a piece of meat....
And it wouldn't bother me, if she wasn't a vegan.