My dad enjoys writing jokes and storing them on my phone. He calls it his Dad-a-base.
Did you hear about the new Wifi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
Q: Why could the fruits not see anything?
A: It was peach black there.
I don’t want to drive you crazy, but I do have a loco-motive
What would Santa’s name be if he wore orange instead of red?
Fanta Claus.
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
A piano player got arrested at a wedding...
He was trying to root the relatives.
Are there any funny red wine puns at BabaMail Jokes?
You bet Shiraz there are!
What’s striped and bouncy?
A tiger on a pogo stick!
What does a pirate pay for his corn?
A buccaneer!
What is yellow and goes bzzzzzz? An electric banana.
What do you get when you sit under a cow?
A pat on the head.
What did the Gorilla say to his friend when he called him back on the phone?
You-Rang-a-Tang?
What type of football player is the biggest drug addict?
The lineman.
Why did the kangaroo hesitate?
He didn’t want to jump to a conclusion.
What kind of gang violence is common among owls?
A drive by hooting.
How does Frankenstein speak?
Frankly.
I have a buddy who was recently hit by a bus, while promoting pedestrian safety.The surgeons had to replace all the joints in his left leg with metal.
I think it's safe to say he can appreciate the iron knee
What does a ghoul say when they wake up?
Gaaarrrh I love the smell of ghoul in the morning!
Why don’t Alpacas like singing with background music?
They prefer to sing alpacapella.
Why did the advertising tycoons hire a bunch of apes?
They were running a gorilla marketing campaign.
It's lunchtime and the newcomer at my workplace is on a plane to India
Turns out, someone told him that the nearby Delhi has the best sandwiches
How do recreational league baseball players stay so cool?
They sit among their fans.
It is only late August, yet the leaves are already turning brown. Autumn came early this year. Orange you glad?
Did you hear about the boy that went missing in the hospital?
Turns out he was just playing peek-a-boo ICU
Never date a Theater person...
... wayyy too much Drama...
What did the snail say as he slipped down the wall? How slime flies!
Why wasn't King Kong able to climb to the top of the Empire State Building?
He couldn't quite fit in the elevator.
What type of car would a regular horse buy?
A Fjord Focus.
What do you call a strawberry in math?
A berry-able.
A student had a heart attack when she saw the grade on her exam
She passed.
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead.
These book puns have tickled your spine.
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frost bite.
What sound did the gun make when the priest shot through two benches to kill a mass shooter?
PEW PEW
I built an electric fence around my property yesterday.
My neighbor is dead against it.
What do you can an owl who's been caught in the act?
A spotted owl.
How do we know Peter was a rich fisherman?
By his net income.
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
What did the perverted pumpkin use for his pick-up line?
Hey gourd-geous! Wanna go back to my place and squash?
Why did the duck go to the bank?
Because he wanted to get a new bill.
What did one tidepool say to the other tidepool?
Show me your mussels!
Sometimes, all you need is to shake a few trees to find the perfect peach for you.
When his wife was preparing his favorite chocolate cake, the baseball player said "Batter Up.
Are sasquatches superstitious?
Yes, they always knock on wood!
I just beat my friend in a Wild West themed art race!
I was quicker to the draw.
Why are small dried up river beds so cool? Because they're ex-stream.
Why didn’t the teddy bear want any dessert?
He was already stuffed.
Evolution is so strange. Dolphins started off as sea creatures, then evolved to have legs, only to eventually return to the sea and lose them.
Kinda defeets the porpoise, don't you think?