What's a werewolf's favorite mode of transport?
A lunar cycle.
Would you call a guy who’s eating corn while riding a unicycle a unicorn on the cob?
Whenever I’m in France I always start the day with a bowl of mushrooms...
Breakfast of champinions
My wife asked me, “Did you fog up the bathroom mirror again?”
I said, “I don’t see myself doing that.”
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
This Halloween I was planning to go as a band aid, but decided against it.
It’s really hard to pull off.
What do you call a rabbit that has fleas?
Bugs bunny.
What do you call a Swedish cycling group?
Viking Biking
“I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forgot how it goes.”
How are a volleyball coach and a dentist similar? They both use drills.
A fruit was madly in love, it was peachy–keen.
I made a fiddle from a squash yesterday...
... i think it's broken, it only plays gourd vibrations.
What do you call a dead flamingo?
A flaminghost.
What chord does jesus play on guitar?
Gsus
Frankenstein's monster and the bride of Frankenstein sit down for dinner
Bride: How come you never help with the dinner
Frankenstein: I did
Bride: How?
Frankenstein: I did the mash...
Bride: Don't you dare
We've reached the point of snow return.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
What do you call a bear that’s stuck out in the rain?
A drizzly bear.
I saw a real rob-bbery today. It happened right before my berry eyes.
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
What kind of motorbike do elves ride to work?
A Holly Davidson!
She got fired from the hot dog stand for putting her hair in a bun.
Why don’t chickens wear pants?
Their peckers are on their face.
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
The nurse always carried a red pen in her pocket in case she needed to draw blood.
Mom: Did you watch the movie with the little pumpkins?
Dad: I stopped it early because it was too gourdy for me.
When my grandparents came over they said: “You look like you’ve grown a foot!”
I looked down to my feet, looked back up, and told them: “No, I still have just two.”
How did the serve know when the bad serve was not with the hand? The server knew it was the foot fault.
So I heard this joke about glass
But it clearly shouldn’t have been made
They say March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb. Ewe might say it leaves sheepishly.
I like your tight end
What do you call a horse that is good at football?
Neighhhhh-mar.
Why did the vegetarian stop running cross country?
He did not like the meets.
Snowmen decide on everything with a game of eeny, meeny, miny, snow.
What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
What’s happens to the sportiest horse?
It gets to be first horse-pick of the draft.
We all sat by the fireplace listening to the basketballer’s story. At some point, I found it unbelievable. It was such a tall tale!
What do you say to an avocado who’s done a good job?
“Bravocado!”
What do you call a woman with one leg?
ILENE.
When the bread started crying because it was toast, the loaf told him, "You deserve butter."
How do bats tell their future? They read their horrorscope.
Anybody who can complete tasks atop the surface of their lower kitchen cabinets is...
counter productive.
What is a cat’s favorite horror movie? The Purrrge!
What did the beaver tell the tree? It has really been nice gnawing you.
The skeleton would love to see the latest horror flick, but he just doesn't have the guts for it.
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
The man got shocked when he got down in the river because the river current was too strong.
What kind of car does a mouse drive?
A mini van.
Sometimes, all you need is to shake a few trees to find the perfect peach for you.
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.