What type of sandals do frogs wear?
Open-toad!
Why was the boxer fired from his job?
He never punched out.
When pigs work together, it’s known as collab-boar-ation.
What is a baker’s favorite type of icing?
Fawn-dant.
I love you from my head tomatoes.
What is an owl’s favorite Beatles’ song?
Owl you need is love.
What's the opposite of a positive crocodile?
A negator
Apparently my password needs to be capitals only so I've changed it to LONDONMADRIDROME.
How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.
hat do you call it when a runner from Moscow starts a race at Red Square that ends in Finland?
Russian to the Finnish.
My Gourd, Autumn is so fall of herself!
What type of cats usually purr the best? Purr-sians!
The doctor told me I shouldn’t eat alphabet soup.
I suffer from irritable vowel syndrome.
What is soap's favorite brand of beer?
Sud-light
A mosquito was trying to land on my arm.
I shook it and said:
"Not on my watch."
Huge explosion at the hair brush factory...
Investigators are still combing through the wreckage.
Why did the tadpole feel lonely?
Because he was newt to the area.
Got fired from my job at the keyboard factory. I couldn't keep the space clean.
What is a computer's favorite animal?
A RAM.
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
If a robber robs a house under renovation and accidentally leaves his handprint on wet cement,
Does that mean that the police have concrete evidence?
My mother's sister was a gamble who enjoyed poker. She would heartily add to the initial pot but fold after the first hand...
We called her Auntie Up.
Which birds are good at holding things together?
Velcrows.
Why did the bunny build herself a new house? She was fed up with the hole thing!
Which violation do ghosts get called for the most in basketball?
Ghoul tending.
Which animal can hibernate while standing on its head?
Yoga Bear.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer?
Because his wife told him to ice it!
What did the cow who barged the other cow say?
Moo-ve!
What happens when someone throws a rock at you? Rock bottom hits you.
Why shouldn’t you take corn on an airplane?
Your ears will pop!
"What's with that fruit taped to your mouth?" the doctor asked. "Covid-19 prevention," the patient replied.
"You need a bandana, not a banana!"
If you ever own a koala as a pet, make sure you can keep track of it by putting a koalar around its neck.
What happened to the girl's phone when she was getting a perm done? She got a frizzy signal.
"Be kind, re-wine."
A new bakery in town began ding extremely well. They said that business was definitely on the rise.
Why is the French Prime Minister never seen in the morning?
Becasue he is pm not am!
There's now a vaccine to make you better at geometry.
It's called Pythagorean Serum.
Whats the preferred car of frogs?
The Beetle.
Nothing really mattress.
Rivers are...
the original streaming service.
Someone told me that it takes 5 sheep to make a sweater.
I didn't know they could knit!
What do cats wear to bed? Paw-jamas.
After trying out floss for the first time, I couldn't believe how nice it felt.
It truly was a breath of fresh air.
Brother: "My friend John is in Greece studying abroad."
My Dad: "What's her name?"
What do you call an ant running away with another ant?
Ant-elope.
What do you call a frozen frankfurter? A Chili dog.
When she spotted fake ramen in her soup, she said, “ This soup has impasta in it.”
Why are flowers so good at problem-solving?
They know how to nip things in the bud.
What did the flower tell his son before a big game?
I’m rooting for you.
How can you make a computer system cry? Delete his cookies.