We got a huge jack-o-lantern this fall. It gave the neighbors pumpkin to talk about.
If your team loses the Souper Bowl, then be prepared for a lot of boouillons from your fans.
All things must grass.
What do fish use for money?
Sand dollars!
"If you want to pass this point alive, you must answer my riddle: What goes on four legs in the morning, two legs at noon and on three legs in the evening?" the Sphinx asked.
Oedipus pondered for a moment, "Probably one of those new Pokemones," he finally replied. "There is like 600 of them.
"Fair enough man," spoke the Sphinx. "I can't reasonably expect you to remember all their names. You may pass."
I have bean
thinking about you.
What kind of car does a viking drive?
A fjord
What happens when Bigfoot gets lost in the fog?
He is mist!
What type of dog would be the best at portraying Tina Turner?
An Angela Bassett Hound.
Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because the chicken joke wasn't invented yet.
No need to light a night-light on a light night like tonight.
Where does the Japanese mafia take a bath?
In a yakuzzi.
Where does a 500-pound penguin sit?
Anywhere it wants.
One day, a father was washing a car with his son...
The son asks, "why can't we just use a sponge?"
How do lions greet people?
"Pleased to eat you!"
What’s striped and bouncy?
A tiger on a pogo stick!
Why don’t alligators watch movies?
Because they live in swamps.
What do you call an alligator showing off his spine flexibility on the internet?
E-Reptile Disc Function
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
What do you call a cold dog sitting on a rabbit? A chili dog on a bun!
In the corn maze, I felt like I was being stalked. It was earie.
I’m a baseliner and I don’t know how to volley: my game would disappear if I went to no-man’s land.
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
Why was the girl staring at the carton of orange juice?
“It said concentrate.”
Never believe minotaurs...
Half of everything they say is bull.
What is a cat’s favorite Tom Hanks character? Furrest Gump.
Fancy a climb? Mount me in.
What do cherries write in love letters? I miss you cherry-bly.
"Eggs love you."
At what time of day was Adam created?
A little before Eve.
What do you call an elf who hasn’t had a date in two years or more?
Elf on the shelf.
Why didn't the green pepper practice archery?
Because it didn't habanero.
What do you call it when it rains ducks and geese?
Fowl weather.
I once decided to buy a baseball stadium. But my agent said he could only give me a ballpark estimate!
My heart is like an onion...
I'm never getting a discount organ transplant again
Peas excuse how bad this pun is.
Hello my name is lettuce, and I was going to the grocery store...
Ah, I’m getting ahead of myself
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
Thunderstorms are shrewd investors. They put their money in a combination of frozen and liquid assets.
What did the Tyrannosaurus rex get after mopping the floor? Dino-sore!
Dear Turkey, don't worry... they only love us for our breasts too. Sincerely, all women.
What’s a good winter tip?
Never catch snowflakes on your tongue until all the birds have flown south for the winter.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
Did you hear about the two spiders who just got engaged? I hear they met on the web."
What did one raindrop say to the other raindrop?
“My plop is bigger than your plop.”
I woke up this morning and forgot which side the sun rises from, then it dawned on me.
Being related to me is the best birthday gift you could receive.
What do you give a horse that has just won the Kentucky Derby? An Appletini.
What's the best part about the end of Halloween?
Putting the skeletons back in the closet!