Irish puns are the most O'ffensive.
What did the owl say to the judge?
I’m talon you, it wasn’t me.
Beer-lieve it or not!
Nobody knows about Napoleon's brother because they were born-apart-e.
What is the easiest way to make a banana split? Cut it in half.
What’s Another Name For iPhone Chargers?
Apple Juice.
Q; What’s the difference between origami and grandpa passing wind?
A: One is the art of the fold, the other, the fart of the old.
Q. How do you describe a deer joke with a screwed up punch line?
A. Bucked up.
A new car has been launched especially for American cowboys
The Audi Partner.
What happened to the wolf that fell into the washing machine?
It became a wash and wearwolf.
I taught a dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground.
We went from Barking to Tooting in 20 minutes!
What made the dinosaur's car stop ? A flat Tire-annosaurus
What is the difference between a car and a bull?
A car only has one horn.
Why do ice cream cones make such good journalists?
They always get a scoop.
Hello my name is lettuce, and I was going to the grocery store...
Ah, I’m getting ahead of myself
I'm still figuring out how to properly wear a face covering. Before I could master the art I was robbed of my beloved mask...
It was stolen from right under my nose.
You’re as sweet as Pi.
what do people win at fancy grammar competitions.
a posh trophy.
Why is it better to smell roses and lemons than a pile of poop?
It’s just plain common scents.
Q: What did Julius Caesar’s pet windmill say?
A: I came, I spun, I conquered.
What's black, white, orange, and waddles? A penguin carrying a Jack-o-lantern.
A physics student ask his teacher: "Can you point me to someone who can teach me a way in which quantum mechanics can be united with general relativity?"
The teacher answers: "Let me see if I can pull some strings for you."
What kind of alcohol do flowers drink?
Rosé.
What did one avocado half say to the other?
Without you, I’m empty inside!
What is ice cream’s favorite TV show?
Game of Cones.
What do you call a basin full of denim?
A gene pool!
A sad bullet comes home to his family.
"Honey you look terrible!" Exclaims his wife. "What happened?"
"I got fired."
Why do golfers love donuts?
Always a hole-in-one!
If you were born and raised in France, what does that make you?
French bred.
How did the pot head propose to their spouse?
Marriage, You wanna?
You’re my lucky charm.
What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
The wolf crossed the road because it was chasing the chicken.
I told the doctor I was deaf in my left ear he said 'are you sure?'
Then I said 'I'm definite."
Son: Father can you tell me what a solar eclipse is? Father: No sun.
Did you hear about the birds of prey on black Friday?
It was a free for owl.
Be-leaf me, you look great in green.
I rarely put orange slices in my beer.
Once in a Blue Moon.
What did the banana do when it saw a gorilla? The banana split.
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
What did the ghost teacher say to her class? - Look at the board and I’ll go through it, again.
I went fishing in the ocean the other day and caught one fish
but I think it was just a fluke.
Librarians don't like drinking white wine. They prefer the well red ones!
Don’t come to France without any Monet.
What kind of underwear do monkeys wear?
Chimpantsies.
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
I think there's something wrong with the cactus I'm growing...
But I can't put my finger on it.
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
Me and my ears hate badminton so much
It's making a racket.
What do you call a baker with a cold?
Coughee cake.