What do you call a troll that’s in charge?
In control.
Why didn't the frog park on the side of the road?
He was afraid of getting toad.
My wife asked me why I bought a pear tree.
I told her "what, you told me to grow a pear."
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
What is every horses birthday wish?
A stable economy.
Don’t expect to hear yourself urinate after taking the Pfizer vaccine.
I had a doctor tell me the P was silent.
Coming to Theaters: The thrilling tale of a man who cooked biographical books like turkey on Thanksgiving.
*Baste on a True Story...*
How do you let a deer know you like her?
You fawn over her.
What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?
A bear-faced lyre.
What did the showerhead say to the conditioner?
"Get outta hair!"
How do rabbits travel?
On hareplanes!
The company is planning to make a new series to show people how to fly an aeroplane. They are now filming the pilot.
A new bakery in town began ding extremely well. They said that business was definitely on the rise.
Why didn’t Dr. Frankenstein ever make a second monster?
Because he just didn’t have the guts to do it again.
What holds the moon up?
Moonbeams!
What do you call a horse on a boat attached to land?
Docked.
"What an egg-citing day."
What do you get if you cross a worm and an elephant? Very big worm holes in your garden.
What do you call a sheep with a machine gun?
Lambo.
I painted my dog’s nails So he can look paw-ty.
Asked the librarian rather loudly for the wifi password. He said "Sshhhhhh!" I asked "is that all lower case?"
Why did the realtor open a bakery shop?
Because he was dealing in dough!
A Blueberry asked a strawberry to go to hell.
That was berry rude of him
Why was everyone shocked when the fruit fly's girlfriend agreed to marry him?
Because the pair had only ever been on rotten dates.
Do you know where I store all my dad jokes?
In a dad-a--base
Metaphors be with you.
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and thinking to myself....
Where the heck is my roof ?
I received an award at work for being the most secretive employee.
I can’t tell you how much this means to me.
Did you know that ghosts call their true love their ghoul-friend?
I'm going to combine my interests of taxidermy and bomb making
by making you an otter you can't defuse.
Where does Google keep their ships?
In the Google Docs.
"Lazy bones."
What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store
Deja brew all over again.
Who’s the arch-enemy of the Gsus chord?
The Dmin chord.
What did the kitten do when she wanted to order something? She looked in the cat-alog!
Two tomatoes went jogging. One trips and falls. The other tomato said, "Grab my Heinz and I'll help you up." Trippy tomato replies, "Nah, you go ahead. I'll ketchup."
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
Which mammal absolutely loves Merlot and Cabernet?
The Wineoceros.
What did the bus say to the frog? Hop on.
My Gladiator DVD stopped working...
Talk about an *epic* fail.
What street does the hippocampus live on?
Memory lane.
Why didn't the brain want to take a bath?
If you ever have to defuse a bomb, never cut...
The Blew wire.
What does pooh eat at parties?
Blue bear-y pie.
What do you get when you cross a ghoul with an owl?
Something that scares people and doesn’t give a hoot!
Feeling fintastic.
You’re my lucky charm.
What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a rose? A collie-flower!
What has 4 wheels and flies?
Garbage truck
What did the deer say when she met her favorite celebrity?
“I’m a big fawn of your movies!”