How to fish like to eat cereal?
In a fish bowl!
What did the lovesick pig sing to his girlfriend? Don't go bacon my heart!
Why do dinosaurs eat their food raw? Cause they don't know how to cook
Grammar has never been my strong suit.
Have you heard about the latest restaurant that opened up on moon?
No, how is that restaurant?
Two bananas married without realising they were from the same tree.
They really split over it. It was a really slippery ordeal and peeled them apart.
What bone does a dog not eat?
A trombone.
What time is it when little white flakes fall past the classroom window?
Snow and Tell.
I guess you can say my misunderstanding of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles
Elbow.
I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
What do you call a Pharaoh playing a trumpet?
Tooting’khamun
What happened to the zombie that made him visit the doctor? He had a crummy feeling.
I came across a man who was eating strawberries at the bank. He told me he wanted to eat rich food.
What is a corn's favorite song?
Corn fields forever.
The bartender asked the pirate, "Is that a ship's wheel sticking out of your pants?"
The pirate replied"Aye! It's driving me nuts!"
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse? The Codfather
What time is it when little white flakes fall past the classroom window?
Snow and Tell
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
What do you call an island populated entirely by cupcakes?
Desserted
I aorta tell you how much I love you.
What did they call prehistoric sailing disasters? Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
A certain Leafs right-winger was sued by the Louisiana government. He was
Owen N'awlins.
There are good and bad times to buy a flamingo. Bad times are when they’re expensive, the best times are when they’re cheep.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
What makes politicians and planets similar?
They both take up space.
Why did the pirate have a pumpkin strapped to his arm?
He was a squash-buckler.
I came, I thaw, I conquered.
What dinosaur knows a lot of synonyms? A thesaurus.
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite season?
Spring.
My son told me he can drink a whole glass a whiskey straight.
Personally, I think it's neat.
It is not really much about how you bowl, but instead how you roll.
Why did the two bears break up at the North Pole?
They were polar opposites.
I dropped my cactus the other day
Worst part is, I caught it
I accidentally mixed up the words 'Jacuzzi' and 'Yakuza' online.
Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese Mafia.
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
The reason he went smiling all the way to the jail is because the judge sentenced him to a life behind chocolate bars.
How do you make sweet corn?
You whisper sweet nothings in its ear!
What do you get when you cross an avocado with a two way radio?
A Guackie-talkie
Six sleek swans swam swiftly southwards.
What do you get if you cross a glow worm with some beer?
Light ale!
If a man is alone in the garden and speaks, and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
Spending time at the pool really floats my boat.
Four types of weather were having a race. Sunny won gold, cloudy got silver, snowy picked up a bronze, and rainy won a precipitation award.
If you travel to the future and get decapitated
You'd be ahead of your time
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!
What do aspens wear to school? A tree-shirt.
What kind of musical instrument do mice play? A mouse organ! Why do mice have long tails? Well, they'd look silly with long hair!