What did the pigeon say after being struck by lightning?
Not coo.
A functional gun shoots
While a broke one needs troubleshooting.
Which bus went from Spain to America?
Columbus.
What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?
He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.
Tried acting in a theatre full of farmers. Got mooed off stage.
Knock knock!
Who is there?
Beaver
Beaver who?
Be-ware of the turbulent river.
Why didnt the moon have any more to eat.
Becuase it was full
My computer was running pretty hot
Until I downloaded some fan art, and now it's working better.
What did the deer say to each other when they were trying to solve a difficult problem? This is such a deer-lemma!
What makes more noise than a dog barking outside your window?
Two dogs barking outside your window.
Scientists transformed a tiger into a horse.
Don't worry, it's in a stable condition.
What did one chandelier say to the other?
I have friends in the high places.
What did the snail say to the other who had hit him and run off? I'll get you next slime!
I told the cowboy to eat salad with his fingers
He said he needed a ranch hand.
How do you catch King Kong? Hang upside down and make a noise like a banana.
Why does the mermaid wear seashells?
Because she grew out of her B-shells.
I can’t believe you have the de Gaulle to say that to my face.
The leech, who is good at drawing blood, applied for a job in an art gallery.
What’s a whale’s favorite James Bond movie?
A License To Krill.
We make a great pear
The tiny bag of flour got in trouble, so his mother sent him to bread early. He kneaded to be punished.
Lightning never strikes coffee in its bean form.
Only when it's ground.
What's the name of the funniest mountain range in the world? The Himhilarious.
What does a caped monkey superhero drive?
A banana-mobile.
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
I like rivers very much. I was watching a live stream earlier.
"I'm so egg-cited, I just can't hide it."
Why do Bigfoots like to tell jokes?
Because they're killer comedians.
Why did the computer leave the restroom crying?
It said, "it hurts when IP."
What do you call a Stegosaurus with carrots in its ears? Anything you want, it can't hear you!
My friends say that I cannot cook alphabet soup for this dinner. And now they are eating their words.
How can colors be used to predict the weather?
By their huemidity.
What did the chicken do when his shop caught on fire?
He egg-xited..
A mathematician walks into a bar and says, “One beer for me, and 10 beers each for all my friends!”
Bartender: "Now that’s an order of magnitude!"
Where do cows write down their most intimate thoughts? Inside of their dairy.
How do you kill a salad? You go for the carrot-id artery.
Why did the house go to the doctor?
It was having window panes.
Today I helped father-in-law to fix his plants
it was very grounding.
Did you hear about the two spiders who just got engaged? I hear they met on the web."
What is it called when a tree stabs his friend in the back?
A be-tree-yal
What’s another popular Christmas song that baby koalas like to sing? “Joey to the World”, of course!
Some people prefer milk after it has churned. I guess they find it butter that way.
A man walks into a bar with a fried egg on his head.
The bartender asks, "Why have you got a fried egg on your head?"
The man replies, "Because boiled eggs fall off."
Which animal can hibernate while standing on its head?
Yoga Bear.
Why did the manager hire the marsupial? Because he was koala-fied.
What's the deal with people who refuse to embrace technology?
Answers on a postcard please.
Why Did the Whale Cross the Ocean?
To get to the other tide.
The group of crows that attacked the lady was accused of murder, the cawps are still looking for the probable caws.
How do yetis stay regular?
They always know wendigo.
Q: What is a tornado’s favorite Elton John song?
A: Candle in the Wind!