Uni-corn? I though that’s what you call a single grain or maize.
Don’t be elfish.
How much dew does a dewdrop drop
If dewdrops do drop dew?
They do drop, they do
As do dewdrops drop
If dewdrops do drop dew.
What did the avocado say to the fork? “You guac my world.”
Where does a bird have the most feathers in winter?
On the outside.
Why did the penguin cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
What do you call 144 kangaroos in a box?
Gross.
What is a butcher’s favorite Elvis Presley song? Love Meat Tenders.
Why did the kid pursue scuba diving?
Because all his grades are below C-level.
What is a polar bear’s favorite cereal?
Ice Crispies.
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
This can of deodorant said it "Lasts 24 hours"...
So the next day I bought another can.
What’s a goat’s favorite musical?
Joseph and his Amazing Technicolor Dream Goat.
Why was it hard for police to catch the tree bandit? He had them stumped.
Wine Lovers Rhyme: A friend of wine is a friend of mine!
France gave perfumes to countries it dominated in the past...
That was classic Colognialism.
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
I was walking past the store today when I saw a sign saying, "All items one-third off."
So I bought a dozen eggs. Unfortunately four of them were rotten.
Fish taco says why don't you want to taco about it And the nacho says cause I'm nacho friend.
Dr. Frankenstein: Igor, have you seen my latest invention? It’s a new pill consisting of 50 percent glue and 50 percent aspirin.
Igor: But what is it for?
Dr. Frankenstein: For monsters with splitting headaches.
What type of flowers does everybody have? two-lips.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
I'm always really disappointed when I pull up to a yard sale...
And they aren't willing to sell me any of their yards.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
What do whales do when they get angry?
They blow up and then let off steam.
I don’t know if I got hit by freezing rain but it sure hurt like hail.
What do rocks eat?
Pom-a-granites.
Why did the farmer feed money to his cow?
He wanted rich milk.
When soup feels strained and stressed, where would it go? – A broth-el!
Never laugh at your spouse’s choice… You’re one of them.
My kid was having trouble with the peanut butter because the jar was too deep and the knife was too short
I tried to help, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it
Which lawn decorations move around from yard to yard?
Gnomads.
Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?
In the big inning. Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.
I’d like to tell a joke about salt but then said to myself: "Na."
"I'd like to make a toast!", said the bread to the bride on her wedding day.
What vehicle does T-Rex use to go from planet to planet? A Dinosaucer
What did the seal with a broken arm say to the shark?
"Do not consume if seal is broken."
What football team do energy providers root for the most? The Chargers”
Crows, they just love sports, crow-quet to be precise.
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
How do trees get onto the internet? They just log on.
What did the lemon juice say to the baking soda?
Ya basic!
"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...
What did Prince leave on the neck of his guitar?
Finger prince.
I used to think that all radios had antennae, then I realized it was a stereo type.
Did you hear about the rabbit who refused to leave her house? She was having a bad hare day.
What do you call someone who labels jars of body parts?
An organiser.
What would a self deprecating wardrobe say?
"I hate my-shelf"
My love for you is like no otter.