Why can’t minerals ever lie?
They’re always in their pure form.
Where do horses go to the bathroom?
The bathroom stall-ion.
What do you call a thriller movie involving cars?
Suspension movie.
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
An Iranian entrepreneur opened a copy shop.
It's called *Prints of Persia*.
Can you can a canned can into an un-canned can like a canner can can a canned can into an un-canned can?
What does an owl need after having a bath?
A t-owl.
I don’t wanna taco ‘bout it
I need to take this picture for my instayam
As the storm was brewing, the madman raised his hands and cried, "Hail Storms! Long may they rain!"
What will you call a crazy spaceman? An astronaut.
Why are flowers so good at problem-solving?
They know how to nip things in the bud.
What did the flower tell his son before a big game?
I’m rooting for you.
What martial art does Earth know?
Geo-Jitsu.
What is a cat’s favorite kitchen tool? The whisk-er.
Why did the fruit bat eat the orange?
“Because it had appeal.”
Any proof that Saturn married more than once? Well, he do has a lot of rings.
Where does a penguin keep its money?
In a snow bank.
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
In the corn maze, I felt like I was being stalked. It was earie.
Police Officer: "How high are you?" Pothead: "No officer, it's "Hi, How are you?"
Why didn't the mummy finish his Halloween candy?
Because he was stuffed!
I think I drank some expired milk. I just have a gut feeling.
What is an astronaut's favorite candy bar?
Milky way.
What did Yoda say when he turned a patron away for ordering a pie?
“Dough. Or doughnut. There is no pie.”
One bonsai tree grower was so successful he moved into a miniature house.
I was going to tell you a joke about an egg but it's not all it's cracked up to be.
How did the turkey win the talent show? With his drum-sticks.
What do you call a buffet for sheep?
All you can bleat!
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
Why is the snail the strongest animal? Because he carries a house on his back!
Be like a pineapple: wear a crown, stand tall, and be always sweet on the inside.
"Some bunny loves you."
What do you call a girl with no arms, no legs, sitting in a watermelon patch?
“Melanie! (melon-y)”
Being shellfless entails volunteering at the relief center during disaster.
Why doesn’t anyone invite an ice cream cone to their party?
They’re a drip.
How do bats spend their time?
Flying and hanging out.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
Professor: "What's a hydraulic ram used for?" "It's where you get steel wool!"
What do you call it when pigs attack you?
A hambush.
When moving a piece of furniture at the weather station, you'll be needing four casters.
"You can't skele-run from my skele-puns."
How did the hotdog overcome his fear of ketchup? He mustered up the courage.
I told my brother not to stand too close to the trees in our backyard.
I don't know why, but they seem shady.
Do you need some encourage-mint?
What kind of underwear does a math-obsessed mermaid wear?
An algae bra.
What did the bride say to her new husband at their wedding? - I love you so mush-groom!
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
What is the fear of giants called?
Fee-fi-phobia
My favorite sport is bowling cause I always strike out with girls.
I was dating a keyboard but we had to break up...
...she just wasn't my type.