I can’t help but laugh a little when I see a pun about chocolate bars… snickers
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
What’s the difference between a teacher and a railway security guard? One trains the mind, the other minds the train.
What do you call someone with Yellow hair on the beach?
A beach blond.
If an Octopus were to play football, how many tackles per game would an Octopus have?
Tentacles
A mixture of black, white, and red usually refers to a panda who has experienced severe sunburn!
Beach, please.
Today a large tree suddenly fell over right in front of me.
I was stumped.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
If a monkey has thirty bananas in one hand and forty bananas in the other hand, what does he have?
Very big hands.
How did the herpetologist know he would be married soon? He caught the garter snake.
All the contestants at the pig Olympics were very happy with their prizes. They each won pork medallions.
According to Greek Mythology, Chiron was a half-human, half-horse doctor.
This made him the Centaur for Disease Control.
I broke up with my partner on our front stairs.
It was a stoop end to the situation.
What does a heartbroken zombie say?
- I just want zombodie to love.
What did the arirst say to his friend who was stressed? Don't worry, paintbrush it off.
I left my laptop outside on the picnic table, and when I came back, the keyboard was covered in ants...
...It took a while to herd them together but I finally got them all under control.
Birch, please.
Why was the sedimentary rock extra cheap?
Because it was on shale.
What do you call the least popular color in the rainbow? The weakest pink.
What did the man say when his wife asked if he remember to get the coffee with icecream inside it?
“Sorry! Affogato!”
How can a clam cram in a clean cream can?
Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
Q. What do you call gorillaS who just monkey around at the gym?
A. Buff-oons
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
What do you call an ant dipped in chocolate? Decad-ant.
What did France, Great Britain, and their allies say after The Great War?
World War Won.
Why do gardeners plant bulbs? So the worms can see where they’re going.
When ghosts visit the seaside, they always get an i-scream.
Why do you use an old towel to dry your dog?
Because it's a little rough.
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
[Water Slide] I was going to get some work done, but I decided to let it slide.
Where do connoisseurs lock up their best bottles?
In a wine cabernet.
A bear's least favorite pastry at any party is the blue bear-y pie.
"Hakuna Moscato. It means drink wine."
Why are bread puns the greatest? They never grow mold.
What do you call it when it's raining and the sun is shining but a rainbow doesn't come out? A refrainbow.
Why was the food critic fired?
They didn't reference their sauces
"I've found some bunny to love."
What did the British man say to the man with the submachine gun he's never met?
Uzi?
How do you milk sheep ?
Release another iPhone.
What happened when the dog ate a firefly?
He smiled with de-light
What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck!
TIL that, on average, humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
This is partially due to the fact that most humans don’t like the taste of monkey.
What do you get if you feed gunpowder to a chicken?
An egg-splosion.
Who dosent eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey because it is always stuffed.
Why couldn’t anyone get a job at the ice rink?
There was a hiring freeze.
My mom said I have no sense of direction
So I packed my bags and right
Watson: Holmes, What kind of rock is this?
Holmes: Sedimentary, my dear Watson.
Onions are great gymnasts as they have the advantage of swinging on the onion rings.