Shucking takes lots of corn-centration.
For instant fun, just add water.
What kind of shoes do mice wear? Squeakers.
What is a dog’s favorite movie series?
Fifty shades of Greyhound.
If you cross a bee and a lizard, you'll get a blizzard!
What did one glow worm said to the other one?
You glow girl!
How are a volleyball player and a carpenter similar? They both love to hammer spikes.
What is a bird that flies over a football field called?
A fieldgull.
Are you a defibrillator? Because you are sending shocks to my heart.
What is the difference between a saxophone and a lawnmower? Vibrato.
If two witches were watching two watches: which witch would watch which watch?
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? Every night he turns into a bat.
If Kantie can tie a tie and untie a tie,
why can't I tie a tie and untie a tie like Kantie can.
I am an introvert, but you know how to bring me out of my shell.
Which tooth did Avogadro have pulled?
One of his mole-ars
What did the thrifty man say when he got his phone bill? "Who says talk is cheap?"
Which murderer kills at the bottom of the ocean?
Jack the Kipper.
The only good pun is a dad pun
but who am I kidding?
Pigs, when out in public, have to keep an eye on their valuables as they are vulnerable to pigpockets.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
As a Brit, I can't get into American football
They rugby the wrong way.
How do you know if it’s too hot in the chicken barn?
The chickens are laying hard-cooked eggs.
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
Evolution is so strange. Dolphins started off as sea creatures, then evolved to have legs, only to eventually return to the sea and lose them.
Kinda defeets the porpoise, don't you think?
What do Snowmen call their offspring?
Chill-dren
What do you call a vegetarian Viking?
Norvegan.
I broke both my legs yesterday and now I have to use a wheelchair
I really can’t stand my situation right now.
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
What happens before it starts raining candy?
It sprinkles!
What is a dog’s favorite pick-up line?
You must be my backyard… because I dig you
The flock of crows that were sprayed with sewage was a true definition of murder most foul.
If Satan ever lost his hair...
There would be hell toupee.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
Why don't some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships don't work out.
I yam what I yam.
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
What do you get if you cross a lemon with a dinosaur
Tyrannosourest Rex.
Why did the thieves kidnap the monkey?
Because they believed in gibbon take.
What is the favorite snack of a programmer, it's undoubtedly Cadbury bytes.
What do you call a basketball team that cries after they lose the game?
A bawl club.
Mushrooms always hate going to school. They feel inferior before the rest because they are always so spore-d.
Which actor is now being quarantined for Swine Flu? Kevin Bacon
What did mamma orange say to little orange after he spilled his milk? It’s no big peel!
What do you call an Eskimo cow?
An Eskimoo!
I tried looking up ice cream puns on the Internet...
But then my browser froze.
What did the mama elf say to her mischievous child?
“Stop elvesdropping on Santa!”
I had gradient expectations on him of being a good artist, but it was all in vain!
Why was Tony Soprano fat? Cause he thought getting a slice of the pie was a piece of cake.
Midwife (handing me the baby): "Make sure you’re supporting his head."
Me: "That’s a great head you have there, Well done!"