Why wasn't the bag boy allowed to work at the juice bar?
Because baggers cant be juicers.
Where do electricians get their supplies? The Ohm Depot.
What do you call it when cephalopods start becoming more strict about things?
Kraken down.
Why did the manager hire the marsupial? Because he was koala-fied.
What is a Ghost’s favourite film? Paranormal Activity.
Why was the guy looking for fast food on his friend? Because his friend said dinner is on me.
What do you call a frog with no back legs?
Unhoppy.
Be careful out there during the snowstorm. It ain't snow joke.
A slimey snake slithered down the sandy sahara.
Psychologist: What brings you here today?
Squirrel: I realized I am what I eat….. Nuts.
What does a penguin where to the beach?
An ice cap.
The chocolate couple decided to rent a two bedroom sweet for their summer honeymoon.
I tried to change my password to "14days".
The computer said it was two week.
What do the squirrels do when they are bored ?
watch NutFlix
What do you call a group of crows eating a box of corn flakes?
A cereal murder.
What is a Leatherback Sea Turtles favorite sandwich?
Peanut butter and jellyfish.
“PMS jokes aren’t funny; period.”
Did you hear about the shoe factory that exploded?
Many soles were lost.
What did the clean DNA say to the dirty DNA?
Hygiene!
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
What do dogs have that no other animal has?
Puppies.
Did you hear about the new corduroy pillows? They’re making headlines everywhere!
What did one cheese tell the other cheese on Valentine’s day?
Brie mine.
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
You've really struck a gourd with me...
It's a nice night for a white rice fight.
I think you’re dandelion.
What is a cheese’s favorite kind of philosophy?
Epistemology and fetaphysics.
The orange said to the melon, “You are one in a melon.” The melon replied, “You are so appealing.”
What do penguins eat for lunch?
Ice-bergers!
Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?
He heard the referee calling fowls.
To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.
I'm going to cashew.
What kind of dog keeps everything they own?
A hoarder collie.
Why are werewolves better than vampires?
Werewolves don’t have a problem with steaks.
Cleaning my cold frame is a pane in the glass.
I heard the local flasher was due to retire.
But hes decided to stick it out for another year.
How many worms does it take to eat a zombie?
It depends on the size of the zombie!
I could go on and on about Salming but I don't want to Borje.
What’s the biggest difference between Thanksgiving and April Fool’s Day?
On one you’re thankful but on the other you’re prankful.
What do you see at a funeral for a piece of fruit? Apple-bearer.
Why are pigs awful basketball players?
They hog the ball.
Which classical Greek may have actually invented baseball?
Homer.
What did the worm want to do when he grew up? He wanted to join the Apple Core (Corps).
The zombie worked for years to win this prize. He showed real dead-ication.
Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head? Because from a distance they looked like hares!
What did the elf tell its friends when they were traveling?
"Let’s take an elfie."
There are lots of funny jokes about mushrooms that can give you stitches. However, you need to be patient enough because they need time to grow on you.
How do frogs die?
They Kermit suicide.
What do you call a snowman that tells tall tales?
A snow-fake!
What is an elf's favorite kind of birthday cake? Shortcake!