The local zoo just started a recycling collection program to support its mission: 'When you bring in one can, you can save Toucans.'
Did you hear Harry’s girlfriend left him for Keith?
Yeah, she was always telling the poor guy to Harry up, turns out she found someone who could Keith better.
Why do werewolves not enter the Olympics? Too high a chance of a silver medal.
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
My race time today was much better than yesterday. I was in a whole different gear.
Who are the biggest fans at the theatre? The backstage crew - They're always giving props to the actors.
I didn’t know you could vape a chocolate bar until my wife told me to stop inhaling them.
How much caramel can a canny canonball cram in a camel if a canny canonball can cram caramel in a camel?
What did the man say after he slipped and fell on the ice. Nothing he just gave everyone the cold shoulder.
If a painter ever feels stressed or troubled, they take a vacation to the hills. It will easel their mind!
What happened to the renegade donuts?
They went down in a glaze of glory.
Chester Cheetah chews a chunk of cheep cheddar cheese.
What do you call a dog’s back teeth?
Canine canines.
When you cross a magician and an airplane, the result is a flying sorcerer.
Why does Mr. Potato Head have a mobile?
In case Mr. Onion rings.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
How can you tell if a witch is on a diet?
All her food is potion-controlled.
The farmer cried wolf when all his three pigs were mauled by the jungle wolf.
Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap
He was high on my list of priorities.
What is a jedi electrician’s favorite tool?
His lightsaber.
Why don’t bats sleep like the rest of us?
They can't get the hang of it.
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
If you coriander into my tomato soup, you will give me a soup-herb dish.
Why does the Pope love Swiss cheese so much?
It’s hole-y.
"Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible."
"Well, tell him I can't see him right now."
Why do mummies like myelin?
Because of all the wrapping.
We have a great connection since you’re wifi-material.
What did Tom get when he locked Jerry in the freezer? Mice cubes!
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity?
It’s natural.
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
What do deer always use to clean their homes?
Comet!
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
Which servant of God was the worst lawbreaker in the Bible?
Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.
What do you call a very tall cherry blossom tree in Italy? The leaning flower of Pisa.
Which condiment is a mouse’s favourite?
Mouse-tard.
I often tell my niece to listen, because hearing is the first thing you lose with aging.
Or was it memory? I can't remember.
Did you hear about the gorilla that was from Vietnam?
He was a viet kong.
Did you hear that the police arrested a pair of vampires?
They got them on two Counts of robbing a blood bank!
What is an ogre's favorite snack?
Y-ogre-t.
Why are alligator comedians so funny?
Their wit is as razor sharp as their teeth!
A priest, a rabbit and a deacon walk into a blood bank.
"I think I might be a type o." said the rabbit.
What was the horse’s best ballroom dance? The Foxtrot.
How do you call a straw used for drinking orangeade?
Fantastick.
"Some bunny loves you."
I tried my hand at cinematography, but it didn't really pan out.
How do you get in contact with a Greek architect?
You column.
What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?
A kernel.
I expected a call last night, so I slept with my phone under my pillow.
When I woke up it was gone, and there was a dollar coin in its place?!
Must have been the Bluetooth Fairy...
What do snakes use to clean their car windows?
Windscreen vipers.