What do you call an elephant with rotors?
A Nellie-copter.
On the Ark, Noah probably got milk from the cows. What did he get from the ducks?
Quackers
How could you tell the horse was getting old?
It was wither-ing away.
Q: What do you get when you walk around with cherries in your shoes?
A: Toe jam.
If a dog chews shoes, whose shoes does he choose?
The apple says to the pineapple “What? Go out with you tonight? It will not happen in a million years!” Since then, we have a crushed pineapple.
What do you call a periodic table when the gold is missing?
Au revoir.
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
What is a European dragon’s favorite food?
Swiss charred.
Of all the best pieces of wolf advice, this is my favorite, “stand fur what you believe”
I am a huge fan of local cuisine, and cooking is my soup-er power!
Through three cheese trees three free fleas flew.
While these fleas flew, freezy breeze blew.
Freezy breeze made these three trees freeze.
Freezy trees made these trees' cheese freeze.
That's what made these three free fleas sneeze.
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
I stopped eating pea soup. I gave it up for lentil.
Why do ambulance drivers always have a partner with them?
They’re pair-a-medics.
How do crazy runners go through the forest?
They take the psychopath!
Did you hear about the Wi-Fi wedding?
The ceremony was awful, but the reception was great!
What do you call a werewolf with no legs?
Anything you like – he can’t chase you.
A giant fly has attacked the local police...
Police have called the SWAT team.
Octopus ocular optics.
What do you call a pickle you got at a cheap price?
A sweet dill.
What do you call a mouse that doesn't eat, drink, or even walk? A computer mouse.
Why did the snowman name his dog ‘Frost’?
Because ‘Frost’ bites.
Apple and orange were the only two left that evening. Everyone else had dates.
Me and my ears hate badminton so much
It's making a racket.
How did Frankenstein know Jesus was coming for a visit?
He used his frankincense.
Why do youngsters like pelvic bones so much?
Because they're hip.
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it round the garden.
When does a skeleton laugh?
When someone tickles his funny bone.
I was throwing oranges at tropical birds. One of them caught one then said: “Toucan play that game”
What’s yellow and swings from cake to cake?
Tarzipan.
Many people seem to believe that warm water droplets get cooled fast and form fog. It's a mist-conception. Someone should de-mist-ify it.
What do you call a zombie DJ?
A dead beat.
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a goat.
How long has this been going on?
Since I was a kid.
What do you call a cold, angry pig? A ham-brr-grr.
Q. What do you get when you combine Blue Agave and literature?
A. Tequila Mockingbird
There was a rebellious lightning bolt who ended up in juvenile hall.
His parents grounded him so he struck them.
What do you get when you cross a pickle with an alligator?
A crocodill.
Cow's that eat strawberries give strawberry milk.
What do you call a paper plane that doesn't fly ?
Stationary.
The cloud hailed from the sky kingdom.
Believe in your elf.
How do monkeys get down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster.
How long does it take to brew Chinese tea? Oolong time.
Why did the skeleton put on a heavy coat?
He was chillled to the bone.
While leaving, the peach friend told his sad buddy, "If you need any help, just peach out, I will be there."
What do you call a deer that can write with both hands?
Bambi-dextrous.
How do playful monkeys go down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster!
What’s a calendars favorite fruit?
Dates.
You better beer-live it!