Dud you know Astronauts said steaks are better in space?
They're a little meteor.
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get soap in your mouth.
Then it becomes a soap opera.
The daddy strawberry got the job to perform at the circus because he was a berry straw-ng man.
How does a vampire bat enter his house?
Through the bat flap.
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
If you are ever babysitting a cherry, remember that their favorite cartoon is Tom And Cherry.
What do you call a pastry that is a priest?
A Holy Donut!
I would love climbing to the peak of Mount Everest, but I do not see the point.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite Village People song?
Nacho Man.
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
They say that she only paints night scenes. Other artists really pale by comparison.
Lost on a mountain, you can collect rainwater to drink during storms.
Otherwise, you just have to make dew.
Why can't an IT guy keep a girlfriend?
He turns them all off and on again.
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
My father said that there was a bug on my computer. The bug was trying to eat one byte at a time.
What do you get if you try to cross a mouse with a skunk?
Dirty looks from the mouse!
A truck with an entire load of strawberries has crashed on the motorway. It's caused a real traffic jam.
The ghost was told off when he spook out of turn.
What’s a goat’s favorite drink?
Goat-arade.
What did the skeleton say when he went riding on his motorcycle?
- I’m bone to be wild!
How do fish get from place to place while playing golf?
With a golf carp,
What do you call a large colorful pile of leaves?
The Great Barrier Leaf.
I told my boyfriend I'd missed the bus.
He asked me what I was trying to hit it with.
Where do horses go to the bathroom?
The bathroom stall-ion.
What is a zombie's favorite kind of weather?
Brainstorms.
I’ll be your trick if you’ll be my treat.
What did bacon say to tomato? Lettuce get together.
Cows wear bells around their necks because it is moooo-sic to the farmer’s ears.
Why did the lights go out? Because they liked each other!”
My wife’s an abysmal cook.
She tried combining corned beef, onions and potatoes…
She made a right hash of it.
Why did the Archaeopteryx get the most worms?
Because he was an early bird.
Why did the cantaloupe jump into the pool?
“It wanted to be a watermelon.”
Why do bacon lettuce and tomatoes have the lowest IQ out of all the foods?
Because they're in-bred.
How can you tell if you're at a classy Viking restaurant?
They have Valhallet parking
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him.
Irish I had better jokes.
When I was younger, I once smashed up a nest of heron's eggs.
No egrets.
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
On reflection, vampires aren't actually that scary.
I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
Did you hear the one about the pianist convention?
They had a few keynote speakers
What song was the peach listening to? 'Stronger with Peach Tear'.
Did you hear about the new holistic elf doctor?
He's a gnome-opath!
You better beer-live it!
My friend uses a white crow to protect his farm from other crows
He calls it a rarecrow
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
why did the spoon show up dressed as a knife ?
Invitation said to look sharp.
I eat a ton of corn everyday.
I guess that makes me a cornivore.
Why can’t you screw with whales?
because they hump back.