What do you call a group of chess players bragging about how they won in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
Why do gardeners plant bulbs? So the worms can see where they’re going.
What happened to the man that took the 5 o’clock train home? He had to give it back!
I like fried chickpeas, but I shouldn't eat them. Every time I do I falafel.
It's nearly 6 years since US Navy SEALs took out Osama Bin Laden in Pakistan.
Talk Abbottabad place to hide.
One of the historical figures to play music with has got to be the talented Mr. Ben-jam-in Franklin.
A never-ending natural supply of beer?
Hops springs eternal.
How do the Skywalkers like their bath water?
Luke-warm.
I didn't want to have brain surgery but I had to.
I guess it changed my mind.
Let’s get elf-ed up.
What medicine do you give to sick ants?
Antibiotics.
Which athlete wrote the book, Jumping for Exercize?
Lee Ping.
What does an exhibitionist snake wear to the beach?
A pythong.
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
What does an artist call his sketch pad? A house.
Did you hear about the spies trying to infiltrate japan, Italy, and Germany in WWII?
They were denied axis.
Do you know what kind of stock to use when making neotropical near-passerine bird soup?
Doesnt matter, as long as you put Toucans in.
What’s Frankenstein’s favorite food?
Frankenfurters.
Their engagement is yet to be made offishell.
Would you call a hardy unicorn that survived disease an immunicorn?
Why do cows eat grass?
I mean, someone has to moo the lawn.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair...
She thought she would dye.
How does a baby beetle get around?
In a buggy.
How does the weather tie its shoes? Witha rainbow!
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite game?
Jump rope.
A man has found water while digging in his backyard. For many years, he used the water at home saving tons of money until one day, the water stopped flowing. So he dug a little bit further and found water again and used it for years until it also dried up. This time, he went further, brought a digging machine, and dug a deeper hole until he found water.
Neighbors, annoyed by the noise, called the local sheriff who arrives to check what was happening in the backyard. The sheriff discovering the scene in the backyard says:
"Well, well, well ... What have we got here?"
Why did the game warden arrest the ghost? No haunting license.
Which chicken is at the top of the pecking order?
Attila the Hen.
How did Gertie Gorilla win the beauty contest? She was the beast of the show!
When the storm begun, the garden party became a bit disorganized and food service was turned to a frost come frost served.
Why did the wheel act so bossy? Cause he was the "Big Cheese."
Do you know what is so special about the alphabet soup of Twitter? It only allows 140 letters.
During the cold war all the countries involved went into hibernation.
Who is the most famous French skeleton?
Napolean Bone-aparte.
"I need to re-wine my life."
I do wonder why my flamingo friends always do so well in tests and exams. After all, they always just wing it.
There might be other fish in the sea, but you’re my sole mate
You know what they say about ice cream parents?
They play flavorites.
How many consultants do you need to change a light bulb?
You’ll get an estimate a week from Monday.
Flat-Earthers hate the fact our planet is spherical, whereas Asgard is flat.
It's a Thor subject for them.
What did one cheddar cheese say to the other cheddar cheese at prom?
Looking sharp!
Used to never be able to use the WiFi at my farm until I moved my router to the barn.
Now I have a stable connection.
I love a joke about the eyes.
The cornea the better.
They were building a meat tower next door.
The steaks just kept getting higher.
What do stylish kangaroos wear?
Jumpsuits.
A chemist plants a seed.
He takes good care of it every day. He waters it and fertilizes the soil around it. As it becomes a big and healthy tree, the chemist thinks to himself: What a good chemist-tree.
If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what does an onion do? Keeps everyone away.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
What’s black and white with red spots?
A panda with the measles.
Why did Billy make a bunch of snowmen to be his friends?
Because he wanted to hang with the cool kids!