Q: Why did the wind turbine blush?
A. It broke wind.
My grandpa used to cut the grass before he died
but he has been lawn gone.
SIBLING PUNS
Who’s the pimple’s favorite sibling?
His cyst-er.
Why are Siberian tigers so happy at Christmas time? Because it is snowy, and they get to look like white tigers.
When my friend Frank died, his body was cremated and his ashes were placed in a decorative German beer tankard.
Now he's Frank in stein.
How are baseball umpires and angry chickens alike?
Both make fowl calls.
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
Strawberries love delicious food. Their favorite is Jam-balaya.
Wife: why do dad's have the worst jokes?
Me: It's a rule, dads have to have cringy jokes
Wife: Who makes those rules?
Me: The Dad Poet Society
Wife: (Groan)
What a werewolf movie, talk about howling!
Why did George Washington have sleeping problems? Because he is unable to lie.
What did the showerhead say to the conditioner?
"Get outta hair!"
How does a lumberjack trim his beard?
With a chinsaw.
I waited over an hour for my cappuccino and when it arrived there was too much milk and not enough coffee. Still, better latte than never.
A bear's least favorite pastry at any party is the blue bear-y pie.
When moving a piece of furniture at the weather station, you'll be needing four casters.
Lost at sea? I'm not shore.
Why did the hipster chemist get burnt?
Because he touched the beaker before it was cool.
I was cracking some lame fall puns when my friend commented, "Gosh, you are acorny person!"
What did the mushroom request when booking his hotel? A shroom with a view, please!
What do you get when you cross a bat with the internet?
Blood-thirsty hacker.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
How do camels blend in?
With camel-flage
What do you call seasoned and dried robot meat?
Beep chirpy
You should call us butter because we are on a roll. This would be one of the best volleyball puns to put on a T-shirt.
The soup that she cooks is so thick that the kitchen would go around when she stirs it.
What month does every tree dread? Sept-timmmberrr!
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.
While the blues musician performed his most famous song, balloons of every color were released in the arena. Guess we may get to call it the 'House of Hues'.
This s***ty toilet broke down again!
What's a woman and a tea bag got in common?
You don't know strong they are till you put them in hot water.
The only type of berry you will ever find in a barn is a straw-berry.
My exotic bird challenged me to a game of chess
I told him, "Toucan play at that game."
Why do bears have sticky fur?
Because they use honey combs.
Why was the crow upset about his job? The HR fired the crow with no caws.
My wife started a tropical diet
There’s so much stuff in the house it’s enough to make a mango crazy.
Say it ain’t snow.
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
What did the Australian Chess player say about the mouldy bread?
"Stalemate."
What happens when you run in front of a bus?
You get tired.
What happens when you run behind a bus?
You get exhausted.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
Restrooms in restaurants often have a sign saying "Employees must wash hands".
But after waiting hours, no one has ever helped me with mine!
I was trying to look at a picture of the ocean but kept having to reload the page, it finally worked after 5 attempts.
That was refreshing to sea.
Police Officer: "How high are you?" Pothead: "No officer, it's "Hi, How are you?"
Mary Mac's mother's making Mary Mac marry me.
My mother's making me marry Mary Mac.
Will I always be so Merry when Mary's taking care of me?
Will I always be so merry when I marry Mary Mac?
My little girl just asked for a goodnight kiss on her nose....
I said I can't kiss that thing it smells!
What do you call a self-obsessed egg?
An eggomaniac.
What did the baby mosquito say after his first flight?
“Mama, mama! Did you see that? Everyone was clapping for me!”
Why did the bat break up with her girlfriend?
She thought she was a pain in the neck.
The other day a tree asked for my help with kindling a grass route movement.
I said I wood because it's got a lot growing for it.