What's worse than a SPIDER on your PIANO?
CRAB on your ORGAN.
What do you call an old snowman?
Water.
There was a rebellious lightning bolt who ended up in juvenile hall.
His parents grounded him so he struck them.
My friend said he got a package containing soaps from around the world...
But it was a pack of lyes.
Why did the pineapple’s phone die? It needed juice.
Sunshine on a Woman's Day?
Broad-day light.
A friend of mine asked me to go hunting up in a dangerous mountain range.
I didn't bother because i thought the steaks were too high
In Ireland, I call the shots.
The book on Mount Everest was super interesting because it had so many cliffhangers.
I had a jaw-dropping experience.
Sadly, it was radium poisoning.
Did you hear about the guy who got fired from the Keyboard Factory?
He didn't put enough shifts in.
Why did the pony turn himself in?
He felt rem-horse.
Never marry an archaeologist!
They're always digging up the past.
Have your elf a merry little Christmas.
I mist say, this is a pretty bad joke, but it haze potential.
It's ice to meet you.
Mix a box of mixed biscuits with a boxed biscuit mixer.
I swear I saw one of those mythical creatures somewhere in the bush; but when I came back, it was uni-gone.
There is a commonality between a thanksgiving and a bowler guest. They both love turkey.
We are mint to be.
"You can't beat me."
Why did the cloud stay at home? It was feeling under the weather.
What kind of books do owls read?
Hoo-dunnits.
hat do you call it when a runner from Moscow starts a race at Red Square that ends in Finland?
Russian to the Finnish.
Why did the wizard rush to the hospital?
He had a staff infection.
What do you call a group of cows that are on top of a hill? High steaks.
Why does Foghorn Leghorn take it slow when April rolls around?
Because he’s no spring chicken!
Did you hear about the flower who gave an ultimatum to her husband?
She told him once and floral.
Where do they make all the decisions on a dairy farm? At the city cow-ncil.
"I lava you."
Why was the old computer sad?
Because it had a floppy disk.
Hundreds of chickpeas were found dead the other day. The police say it's a hummuside.
I was going to tell you a joke about an egg but it's not all it's cracked up to be.
What did the evaporating raindrop say?
I’m going to pieces.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you call an ant that doesn’t sink?
Bouy-ant.
What do you call dangerous precipitation?
A rain of terror.
Baby flamingos really are badly behaved. I think it’s because their parents never put their foot down.
I’ll always be running-back to you.
What did the beaver say after she slipped in water?
Dam it.
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
What do you call a lobster that's afraid of tight spaces?
Claw-strophobic
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
How many wipes does it take to clean a keyboard?
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What do you call a giraffe winning a horse race?
A long shot.
I used to be a personal driver in France
But now I have nothing to chauffeur it.
I'd cut the grass but it's against the lawn.
Why did the spider get on the computer?
To check his website.
Crows love Cawnie Chung, their favorite reporter.
Our lobster neighbors never give us gifts during the holidays!
They’re so shellfish.