How many grams of protein are there in that slice of chocolate pie? 3.14159265.
Do you know what kind of stock to use when making neotropical near-passerine bird soup?
Doesnt matter, as long as you put Toucans in.
Why couldn’t the donut reach enlightenment? Because it was already holy.
Did you hear about the metamorphosis professor who just gave up on life? He really needed a change.
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
What’s a pig’s favorite holiday? Ar-boar Day.
What was the pumpkin's favorite sport?
Squash.
Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day?
Real rocks are too heavy.
What do you call a carnival worker who’s eating a turkey leg?
A carnie-vor.
How was the snow globe feeling after the storm?
A little shaken
Why are mountains not just funny? Because they are hilarious.
Never trust a flamingo unless you can be sure it has fully fledged ideas.
I’m chocolate to my appointment!
Beavers are the best at getting things done on riverbanks. They have their own waves of working.
What do you call meat balls falling from the sky? A meat-ior shower.
What do chickens call school tests?
Eggs-aminations.
When alligators need energy, they just slug down some gator-ade.
What do you call a cow that has 1 leg? Steak
What do you call a little tune about atmospheric moisture?
A humi-ditty.
The reason why soccer players are brilliant in math is because they know how to use their heads well.
Where do pigs keep their money? Why in the piggy bank, of course.
France gave perfumes to countries it dominated in the past...
That was classic Colognialism.
What do you call a snake with no clothes on?
Snaked.
WOOD you tell give some wood puns?
I scored when I met you.
Why did the frog lose his job on the mushroom farm? He stole the toads-tool.
My father ran his whole roofing business and it was a great success.
He had to stay on top of things though.
What do you call a male witch?
Mitch
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden.
I hate spring cleaning.
Darn things bounce all over the place.
I made my mother's French sister angry
Now she's a cross aunt.
It’s snow joke.
What do you call a dinosaur with one eye? Doyouthinkhesawus
What’s the best dessert to serve at a St. Patrick’s Day party?
Paddy cake!
What do you call a deer with hooves in his ears?
Anything you want — he can’t hear you.
Q. What do you get if you cross a gorilla with a grizzly bear?
A. Fired from the zoo.
A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings
"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."
A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said
"Norway"
How do pigs write top secret messages?
With invisible oink!
Two bananas married without realising they were from the same tree.
They really split over it. It was a really slippery ordeal and peeled them apart.
There are more planes under the oceans than there are submarines up in the skies. Let that sink in...
Why can I not make jokes about the recent attacks in France?
Because jokes are all about execution.
The paddy don’t start till I walk in.
Where do you most often find onions having a drink? In the salad bar.
Why did the cow wear a bell around her neck?
Because her horn didn’t work.
I'm gonna quit my job on a submarine
I'm under a lot of pressure
When you find a blue strawberry, try to cheer it up.
If flamingos can’t fly, how on earth do they get about? They use flamingo karts, of course.
Have you seen Jake’s new custom trumpet? Yeah, that’s quite a unique horn, I’d know it anywhere.
Mum said I would never be able to make a bicycle out of spaghetti
Well I did, and you should’ve seen her face when I rode pasta
A railroad engineer must be sure not to lose his train of thought or he might go down the wrong track.