When a dinosaur gets a goal in a soccer tournament, it is known as a dino-score.
A Zebra said to a Lion “Let’s swap roles for a while."
The Lion said “ I’m game!”.
How did Pavlov get such great hair?
He conditioned it.
Prepare to be bowled over.
What do you say when you see a stunned ghostbuster catch a ghoul?
He's a little confused but he's got the spirit.
Just a buffalo laying down, bisoness as usual.
Is plate throwing a trully Olympic sport?
Discuss.
What do you call the wife of a hippie? A Mississippi.
What Do You Call A Cat That Swallows A Duck?
A duck-filled-fatty-pus
Do you want to hear a joke about a bolt of lightning?
Actually, maybe not. The end is rather shocking.
You cannot get a basketball game fairly officiated in the jungle because cheetahs are all over.
What do you call a funny bone?
A humerus.
What do you call a well-dressed ant?
Eleg-ant.
Bill’s house was rocking last night, everyone got stoned.
Too bad Bill didn’t have avalanche insurance.
Why did the crazy man lose his job at the dairy factory? He was a danger to himself and udders.
What's so special about twitter alphabet soup? It only has 140 letters.
What do you get when you cross a pickle with an alligator?
A crocodill.
Two flies were fighting on a toilet seat.
One got pissed.
What would bears be without bees?
Ears.
Did you hear about the lemons that got sick?
They got lime disease.
What is the best way to stop a pizza curling?
Hide its brush.
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
Why do dogs find it hard to work the TV remote?
Because they always hit the paws button.
I’m feelin’ pine.
Where does a snowman keep his money?
In a snow bank.
You’re my heartthrob.
You are like my asthma.
You just take my breath away.
Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water?
They set a new lap record.
A motivated nut is a pecan. Because pe-can do anything.
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
What do you call two banana skins? A pair of slippers
What happened to the Easter bunny at school? He was eggspelled.
What do you call a square that got into a car accident?
A rect-angle
When should you go on a cheese diet? If you need to cheddar a few pounds
My wife sent me an article about "sandpaper spouses..."
I told her she must be 2000 grit, 'cause she's FINE!
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
We just bought our new dream house. As I was showing our daughter around for the first time, she asked excitedly, "What's upstairs?" I chuckled and replied, "Sweetie,"
"Stairs don't talk!"
The feds were on a global hunt for a cow who was known to hide behind foliage. They finally located her in Moss-cow.
Working as a dock hand is hard,
but it's wharf it.
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives
I replied, no, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine.
Why did the police arrest the star? That’s becuase it was a shooting star.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honeycombs.
What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
My wife is always telling me I shouldn’t stick Q-tips so far in my ear
At least that’s what I think she was saying.
If you want to vacation in Italy, don't be afraid to Rome around.
Guns don’t kill people...
Bullets, it’s bullets that kill people.
What do you call a real estate agent who secretly moonlights as a detective?
Sherlock Homes.
What did the thief steal on the theatre's opening night? The spotlight.
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth today
Now when I talk I have this weird axe scent.