What is a cat’s favorite Tom Hanks character? Furrest Gump.
So engineering school is really hard.
I'm not doing so hot in thermodynamics.
What party game do rabbits like to play?
Musical Hares!
What happened when the drummer re-recorded his drum solo?
There were repercussions.
The rancher's Wifi wasn't working so he moved the router to the barn...
Now he has a stable connection
What did the fisherman say to the card magician? Take a cod, any cod.
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
Which fish can perform operations? A Sturgeon!
The only thing that is black and white and has to be red all over is a newspaper.
Why is spring a great time to start a gardening business?
Because it’s the season when you can really rake in the cash.
My dad was the top clown at the circus, but unfortunately he passed away.
I guess I have some pretty big shoes to fill.
Salami get this straight - you don't like meat puns?!
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse? The Codfather
Who will Frankenstein’s monster take to the dance?
Any old girl he can dig up.
What do volleyball players like in bed? Kinky sets.
Why do you need six players to carry the volleyball to the game? No one can carry the volleyball and a whole team.
How did the skeleton know it was going to rain?
He could feel it in his bones.
Why can't you use beef stew as a password?
Because it's not stroganoff.
"I wood never leaf you."
Feeling fintastic.
Why don’t chickens wear pants?
Their peckers are on their face.
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
This whole birthday thing is getting old, don’t you think?
Why did the otter cross the road? To prove to the possum that it could be done!
What did the nut tree say when his wife left him? I walnut stand for this!
What’s a horse’s favorite fruit?
Canterlope.
Uni-corn? I though that’s what you call a single grain or maize.
Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.
What did the parmesan say when it broke up with the mozzarella?
Sorry but I am too mature for you.
Did Texas survive last week's winter storms?
Burrrrrrrrrrrrrrly.
Why did the origami artist win her court case? She was great at doing the paperwork.
How many drum sets can you store on a sofa?
One per cushion
I got a parking ticket today and my husband just laughed.
He thought it was a fine joke.
What did the steak say to his girlfriend? You're the apple of my rib-eye!
What happened when the onion tried to cross the bridge guarded by Gandalf? Gandalf shouted, "You shallot pass this bridge!"
What do you call a computer that plays tennis?
A server
What did the painter say to his wife? "I love you with all my art!"
My father is a farmer who grows strawberries. However, his business has recently gone into liquidation after he made smoothies.
The fruit politician is losing its support in the country because of hate peach.
What do you call an epileptic in a vegetable garden Seizure salad
My teacher told me in History class to do some light reading on the history of the light bulb.
Q: Why did the fruit stop for some time while driving?
A: It wanted to make a quick pit-stop
Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
Its hard being a teenage mother
Especially when you're a teenage male.
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
What would a peach say to its girlfriend or boyfriend? – “You will always have a peach of my heart, baby!”
“My Dog has no nose. How does he smell?”
"Awful.”
Friends are like condoms: They protect you when things get hard.
No body has ever won a skeleton race.
Golf is a lot like taxes:
You go for the green and wind up in the hole.