The French real estate agent was very upset when their new listing was destroyed.
He said it was chateau-strophic!
What do you call an and with frogs legs?
An antphibian.
Why didn’t the golfer get his homework done?
He wouldn’t stop puttering around.
Why did the owl join Tinder?
He didn’t want to be owl by himself.
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
Fish taco says why don't you want to taco about it And the nacho says cause I'm nacho friend.
Most unicorns start off as poor hunters until they can really horn their skills.
A loyal warrior will rarely worry why we rule.
The best gift I ever got was a broken drum...
You can't beat it.
Did you hear about the cow that committed murder? It was in cow-ld blood! How dairy.
A lion would never play golf.
But a Tiger Wood.
Q. Why was the stag thrown in the army brig?
A. Due to deer-eliction of duty.
A drum rolled down a hill.
Ba-dum tsssh!
What is the only similarity between a UFO and an affordable agent?
You usually hear about both but can never ever see one!
A guy walks into the bar.
It's hardly surprising he didn't make the steeplechase team, on reflection.
The lager you wait, the better it tastes.
How do geologists like to relax?
In rocking chairs, of course!
You’re a cutie 3.14159265359
What do you call a mouse that doesn't eat, drink, or even walk? A computer mouse.
What is a dog’s ideal job?
A barkeologist.
A sheep, a drum, and a snake fall off a cliff.
Baa dum tssssss.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
My sinks been on deaths door for the past week or so...
I finally decided to pull the plug.
When should you stop for a glow worm? When he has a red light.
Rainbows are very uncommon, they are blue and far between.
Q: What is a tornado’s favorite Elton John song?
A: Candle in the Wind!
I was surprised when I saw a man get struck by lightning.
The man was shocked as well.
Why are blood physicians so rich?
Because blood cells.
What do you call a Mexican snake?
Hisssspanic.
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong? Mistaken bacon.
Why don't boats have funerals?
They have wakes.
A flamingo can be a really good friend to have. However, they generally fit the bill really well.
Q: What do you call a really violent fruit?
A: A peach breaker
Why did the mathematician work from home?
Because he could only function in his domain.
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
What did the avocado say to the fork? “You guac my world.”
Why shouldn't you lend a geologist money? They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
What did the kangaroo say about the man who kidnapped her joey?
Stop that pick-pocket!
51. What does a car yell when something goes wrong?
‘Jesus Chrysler!’
What do you call a white bear that's shaped like a tooth?
A Molar Bear.
Have you heard the joke about the giraffe’s neck?
Let me warn you, it’s a long one.
What do you call a free treadmill?
The Great Outdoors.
Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
because it felt crumby.
Ski Area Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, want me to jump off this chairlift for you? 'Cause I think I could fall for you.
What do oranges like to listen to?
Musical com-peel-ations.
What is the reproductive area in South America? Spermatagonia.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity? It’s natural.”
On Valentine's Day, the peach said to his wife, "You will always have a peach of my heart!"
What did Katy Perry drink when she was little? Bust-Tea.
What's the fastest thing on the river bed?
A motor-pike and side-carp.