Why did the fork feel kinky near the spoon?
Because it was a tease spoon.
Why don’t vampire’s make good artists?
Because all they draw is blood.
Why do vampires need cold medicine?
For their coffin.
Why are beavers so good in maths? They love log'arithms.
What is a cow's favorite deli meat? Bull-ogna!
My friends tell me I'm like a beard..
I grow down or sideways, but I never grow up!
A man goes to the Doctor with a banana in one ear, a carrot in the other ear and a cucumber up his nose. “What’s wrong with me doc?” He asks.
“It’s easy, you're not eating properly.” the doctors replies.
Why are tigers striped? Because they never want to be spotted.
The snuggle is real.
What do you call Dragon with no silver?
A dron.
---
You think dinosaurs are scary?
Imagine dragons!
What word backwards can predict the future? Cookies (Seikooc as in psychic of you say it).
Twin brothers just had a birthday
One turned twenty. The other turned twenty too.
Why don’t werewolf make good dancers?
Because they have two left feet!
Where does a turtle go when it's raining?
A shell-ter.
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
What did the deer write in his journal every day? Deer diary.
Did you hear about the piglets who wanted to do something special for Mother’s Day?
They threw a sowprize party.
When the storm begun, the garden party became a bit disorganized and food service was turned to a frost come frost served.
Wholey-grain! You really bread my mind!
How do eggs get around?
On a s-egg-way.
What did the fawn say to warn her friend about the haunted house?
“Don’t go deer!”
I left my laptop outside on the picnic table, and when I came back, the keyboard was covered in ants...
...It took a while to herd them together but I finally got them all under control.
What do you call a dog that sneezes?
Achoo-huahua.
I applied for a job as an Instructor at a Scuba Diving center. The interviewer wanted to know if I can work well under pressure.
What holiday do we celebrate in May to remember all the mothers we lost in the past year?
Momorial Day
Which soccer position does a Ghost play? Ghoulkeeper, of course.
What is the national fruit of Afghanistan?
Talibanana.
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
If you are going to sleep, I wish you suite dreams.
What did the grape say when the elephant stood on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
What do you call a pig thats wrong? Mistaken bacon.
What does the iron-deficient giant say?
- Fi fo fum.
My sister prefers taking the stairs, but I always take the elevator. I guess...
we are raised differently.
I rushed to my local hospital only to find that it had been converted into a library
Talk about having to suffer in silence
What did the orange say before jumping into the juicer?
“The zest is yet to come!”
I'd give me right arm to be ambidextrous!
What time is it when little white flakes fall past the classroom window?
Snow and Tell.
What kind of party is held in a cornfield?
A cornball!
What do you call a fruity pop star? Katy Peary.
Why didn’t the skeleton laugh at the joke?
Because he didn’t have a funny bone.
Why did the skeleton cross the road?
To get to the body shop.
What kind of tea do babies drink? Tit Tea.
Which are the best mathematicians amongst the snake family?
The adders.
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
Did you know there are exactly 239 beans in Irish stew?
Any more and it would be two farty...
Coming to Theaters: The thrilling tale of a man who cooked biographical books like turkey on Thanksgiving.
*Baste on a True Story...*
Where do cows get together?
The meet market.
What do you call a doctor who became a delivery driver?
MedEx
What made the baby cookie cry so loud? His mother was a wafer so long.