I just watched Sunday Night Football.
There were Lutz and Lutz of field goals.
Did you know that you only need two letters to spell Panda?
You just need P and A.
Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his dessert? Cause he was stuffed.
I asked my Spanish girlfriend to make a to-do list
so she wrote down everything.
Why did the blonde stare at the carton of orange juice? It said concentrate.
Where do skeletons go hang out at night?
Anywhere, as long as it's a hip joint.
Why do all kids want to be an astronaut?
Because there is no pressure.
What type of trunks do foresters wear to the swimming pool?
Tree trunks!
What’s worse than finding a worm in your pear?
Finding half a worm.
Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.
Why is it so tough to become a real estate attorney?
You always have to deal with battles of wills.
“I love when candy canes are in mint condition.”
I recently broke up with my caterpillar girlfriend.
She'd changed.
What do you call a quiet sheep?
A shhhhhhh-eep.
What do you call one green onion that doesn't listen to anyone and is very naughty? It is called a rapscallion!
What did the seal say to the walrus after dating him for three months?
I think we should sea otter people.
What Twix do you have up your sleeve that makes me love you?
What do French cars wear as hats?
Bonnets.
What's red and has 7 dents in it?
Snow white's cherry!
What type of cat lives under the sea? A purr-maid.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin?
Gourdgeous.
What’s a hen’s favorite type of movie?
A chick flick.
What do you call a Belgian who's bad at grammar?
An twerp.
The fact that we were asked to leave our beautiful purple color house by the owner is still purplexing for me.
I've never seen the inside of my ears...
But I've heard good things.
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
What did the baby deer say to his friend?
“I’m so fawn-d of you!”
Why did the model bring her lipstick and eye shadow to school?
Because she had a make-up exam!
What did the tortilla chip say to the guacamole?
“You are all I avo wanted.”
What do you call dogs that look exactly the same?
Dogglegangers.
My keyboard fell apart today.
I feel like I'm losing Ctrl of everything.
Wanna hear a joke about a staccato?
Never mind, it’s too short.
Q. Which sweet dessert is banned from the menu at the Deer Cafe?
A. Chocolate Moose.
Why does the mermaid wear seashells?
Because she grew out of her B-shells.
Live to tell the tail.
The stormy weather affected my ability to remember my alphabets. I remember A, B, C, D, and F but I misty.Someone got hurt from a fistful of grass thrown at them with force. When they pressed charges, the cops charged the culprit with physical grass-ault.
Did you hear? The pilgrims rode the May-Flour so that they could bake bread as they went to America. This is a cute option.
What is the lesser-known sport used to measure a horse’s singing ability?
Carol racing.
I saw a headline in the newspaper that said someone made a bomb out of nitrous oxide.
This is no laughing matter.
I followed my heart to you.
What is a cat’s favorite horror movie? The Purrrge!
I just learned how to speak parrot.
I just learned how to speak parrot.
Why are hands so reliable?
Because you can always count on them.
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
happens when you bother the parietal lobe?
It gets very touchy.
What did the judge say when a skunk walked into the courtroom?
"Odor in the court!"
What do you can an owl who's been caught in the act?
A spotted owl.
How can you tell that a zombie used to be a father?
By his dead bod.
What happened after the conifer fell in love at the orchard? A pineapple tree.
Basketball players always drop cookies into their milk.
That way, it's a slam dunk.