Diving into shallow water could lead to jumping to wrong conclusions.
Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?
Because it takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
Today I learned that Both Charles Darwin and Albert Einstein married their first cousins.
For both, it’s all relative.
I am out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.
Something in a thirty-acre thermal thicket of thorns and thistles thumped and thundered threatening the three-D thoughts of Matthew the thug – although, theatrically, it was only the thirteen-thousand thistles and thorns through the underneath of his thigh that the thirty-year-old thug thought of that morning.
What's a cow's favorite moosical note? Beef-flat
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
I recently ran a charity marathon to promote greener earth, but the run left me a little jaded.
What is the similarity between a male deer and a beaver? Both have buck teeth.
Did you hear about the 2 apes that kept fighting with each other?
It was gorilla warfare.
Did you hear about the audio drama about peas?
It’s a pod-cast
My brother is a real estate agent. He greets me with, "Hey bro, house it going?"
Wino Woe: Forgive me, for I have zinned!
Why doesn’t an owl study for a test?
They prefer to wing it.
How do you get in contact with a Greek architect?
You column.
What do you call a party for snowmen? A snowball.
What does a koala do before making any kind of appointment? He always checks his koalander.
I was milking a cow and a fly flew in its ear.
I thought, that’s weird, I just kept milking. A while later, the same fly showed up in the milk bucket. I guess that’s what they say: in one ear, out the udder.
What do fish and women have in common? They both stop shaking their tale after you catch them!
Which element is a member of famous rock band?
Hg
If your mom slaps you with high frequency -
It Hertz
Why was the salad late to the dinner party?
He was waiting for his wife to get dressing.
Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
Because they spend years at C!
Which fish is the most famous? The starfish.
What do you call a maternal Turkish robot water weasel?
An Ottoman otter-mom automaton.
Q. What do biologists call an insane stag that's out running amok?
A. Deer-ranged.
Why was the doctor so paranoid?
He worked in the ICU.
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
Did you hear? The pilgrims rode the May-Flour so that they could bake bread as they went to America. This is a cute option.
What did the duck who learned physics say?
Quark, quark.
Why doesn’t Sweden export its cattle?
It wants to keep its Stockholm.
What is the poshest breed of dog?
A Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.
Which state of America has lots of cats and dogs? Petsylvania
I broke both my legs yesterday and now I have to use a wheelchair
I really can’t stand my situation right now.
Why don't they make boats out of peppers?
Because they're always capsaicin!
What do you call fake oranges?
“Pulp Fiction”
What do you call a married couple who compete in the marathon side-by-side?
Running mates.
Who’s the head of the penguin navy?
Admiral Byrd.
When the ghost blew his nose, lots of boo-gers came out.
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
Why are skeletons so good at telling jokes?
Because they have a funny bone.
What do computers eat for a snack?
Microchips!
My wifi password is the cat's birthday month
Feb-paw-hairy
What do you give to a sick lemon?
lemonaid.
What do we call two thousand pounds of Chinese soup? It is called won – ton!
This guy walks into the doctor's office with a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.
My colleague kept on missing deadlines, so I advised him not to bite off more than he can blue!
If a T-Rex slipped and broke its nose would it would need a dinoplasty?
At what time of day did God create Adam?
Just before Eve.
Why did the lobster blush?
Because the sea weed.