I am fawn’d of you my deer.
Don’t ever trust a leper-con!
Where was Solomon’s temple located?
On the side of his head.
Did you hear about the doctor who was practicing bee venom therapy without a license?
He was arrested in a sting operation.
What do you call Jack-O-Lantern cousins who lift weights together?
Pump Kins
Accidentally I spilt some tomato ketchup in my eye.
In Heinze sight, it was my mistake.
Who turns the lights off on Halloween?
The light's witch.
Where is the Ghost’s bedroom located? Down the Hall-oween.
Why does the yogi meditate under the citrus tree?
Because it’s a sub-lime spot.
Which fish go to heaven when they die?
Angelfish.
Son: Dad, did you know they used to carve turnips on Halloween?
Dad: They must have been out of their gourds.
What do you call referential cheese?
Feta.
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded? De-brie went everywhere!
The peach couple from school is totally in love. They seem so perfect for peach other.
Why are winter days great?
They’re snow much fun!
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
Ski Area Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, was it Red Bull that gave you wings, or are you just an angel?
What is it called when bigger burgers fall from the sky?
Meatier showers.
What do you get if you cross a squirrel with an elephant?
An animal that remembers where it hid its nuts.
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
Which monster plays the most April Fool’s jokes?
Prankenstein.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
It doesn't matter whether you are tall, short, fat, thin, rich, poor; at the end of the day...
It's night.
What Do You Call Two Ducks And A Cow?
Quakers and milk.
What is a koala bear’s favorite mixed drink? A pina koala.
What did the happy cat say? Stay paw-sitive!
What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear!
Why did the banana go to the hairdressers? Because it had split ends!
What sound does a space turkey make? Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!
My dyslexia has reached a new owl.
There were two antennas who met on a roof and they fell in love and decided to get married. The ceremony was nothing fancy, but you could tell that they had a very strong connection.
What does a heartbroken zombie say?
- I just want zombodie to love.
What is an energy provider’s favorite dance?
The electric slide.
This special peach school is for those Peach kids who are suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
There was a group of ants that always went on parties together, but one smelled way worse than the others.
He was de odor ant.
It’s lonely between Germany and Spain
Not many France, nobody’s Nice to me, everyone seems to be Lyon. It’s just Eiffel.
Which trophy has the most glitz? The Lady Bling.
I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure
What did the priest say at the flooding river?
God, dam it!
Why would a real estate business never close down?
Since it’ll never be out of commission.
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
Q: What’s the fastest way to make a skeleton?
A: Put a leper in a wind tunnel
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
How do monkeys get down the stairs? They slide down the banana-ster!
I just paid for a boat ride to a magic themed renaissance carnival. The price was reasonable.
It was a fair fairy faire ferry fare.
What if someone made raisins with juice in them
That would be grape.
What's invisible and smells like worms?
Bird farts.
Hit the hammer that judges have and says “worm court is in session”. Then says
“All writhe”
Why can't the bankrupt cowboy complain? He's got no beef.