Canada is planning a mission to the moon
They're calling the spaceship the Apollo-G.
What does a bookworm do during a baseball game? Worm the bench.
Getting tired of all this laundry. I’m going to throw the towel in.
How do you leave any building in Spain?
You "follow salida lida lida..."
What lives in apples and is an avid reader? A bookworm !
How do trees get on a computer?
They just log in.
As a Brit, I can't get into American football
They rugby the wrong way.
What did Dracula say to the priest who visited his castle?
Don’t you ever cross me!
I often tell my niece to listen, because hearing is the first thing you lose with aging.
Or was it memory? I can't remember.
Who led the Jews across a semi-permeable membrane?
OsMoses.
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
Harambe wasn’t only one of the best gorillas I’ve ever met...
He was also a great ape.
Why are trees the largest plant? Because they are truly tree-mendous.
What would Santa’s name be if he wore orange instead of red?
Fanta Claus.
My girlfriend spilt hummus all over her...
Can't believe that chick pea'd herself.
Can’t pinch this.
I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport puns.
I think it may be terminal
Give papa a cup of proper coffee in a copper coffee cup.
So my daughter is calling me all excited. I come by her room to her holding her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
Busy buzzing bumble bees.
What cheese do beavers like? eDam
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
How do you kill a troll?
Take away its internet access.
Say it ain’t snow.
My friend thought ketchup didn’t exist
So I told him to check his sauces.
How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog?
The dog knows when to stop scratching.
A boy lines up to get some apple juice and a girl lines up to get some orange juice
This would be funny but there’s no punchline.
If you are a fan of alphabet soup, then you might also know times new ramen.
What’s big and grey and wears a mask?
The elephantom of the opera.
Why did the farmer feed money to his cow?
He wanted rich milk.
The innocent blueberry got easily framed for the crime because the evidence was a strawberry plant.
One bowl of soup said to the other, "Hello Broth-er".
I went to the Veterinarian today.
She really knew how to make my dog heal.
How is divorce like espresso? It's bitter and expensive.
What did the dessert say to the Granny Smith tree?
You’re the apple of my pie.
My teacher told me in History class to do some light reading on the history of the light bulb.
Fall is a-maize-ing.
Have you heard the joke about the giraffe’s neck?
Let me warn you, it’s a long one.
I decided to switch to a knife to preserve my ammo.
The guys at Laser Tag started freaking out though.
What did you just call me? Just because we’re Dark Chocolate does not give you the right to call us “Snickers”.That’s OUR word.
What did the corn say when it was being followed?
“I’m being stalked!”
What did the witch say to people who visited her house?
Come sit for a spell!
There's a German butcher around the corner from the hospital.
Just in case someone takes a turn for a wurst.
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
My son painted six Easter eggs the colors of the infinity gems.
I told him he made an Egg-finity omelette.
What do you call it when cephalopods start becoming more strict about things?
Kraken down.
My wife got mad at me for playing catch with my son in the backyard
... I didn’t see the big deal until I dropped him.
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
French onion soup.
What sport does the Koolaid man play?
Baseball. He's a pitcher.
You really ate dog meat? How was it?
.... ruff