Where does a killer whale go for braces?
The orca-dontist.
What do you get when you cross ants with ticks?
All sorts of antics.
What do you call a big queue of trucks, making cheesy one-liners? A pick-up line.
What is the popular computer game that crows play? Caw of Duty!
My son asked me how often planes crash
Usually just once
What's a woman and a tea bag got in common?
You don't know strong they are till you put them in hot water.
What did they call prehistoric sailing disasters? Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
What do llamas always say after yoga class?
“Llamaste.”
We’re traveling winter-nationally.
The most notorious one of all pirates was very sad. It may have been because he was Bluebeard!
I caught my sister click and post a picture of the soupy noodles yesterday. She was actively instagramen.
We like rough sets. As long as you practice safe sets, there isn’t a problem.
Why was the tree so embarrassed during the winter? After her leaves fell, she felt naked.
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
What happens when you buy too much ice cream?
Breyer’s remorse.
My friends say that I cannot cook alphabet soup for this dinner. And now they are eating their words.
This vacation has been sand-sational!
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
You’re not 50 years old, you are 20 years old with 30 years of experience!
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
A stoner, a Jedi and a surgeon walk into a bar.
Blunt force trauma.
What is a seals favorite subject?
Art Art Art Art!
What is a strawberry that likes to spin called? A berry-go-round.
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.
I don't trust pumpkins. They're seedy.
Q: Where do fruits like to go on vacations?
A: To the peach.
You know why vampires can raise ghouls?
Because they are neck romancers!
What do you call a fishing boat with a great stereo?
bass boat.
Q: What anime series do fruits like to watch?
A: One peach.
Why did the geologist take his girlfriend to the quarry? He wanted to get a little boulder. How did the geology student drown? His grades were below C-level
I heard someone broke out of prison using a sheep
I didn’t believe it until I saw the news and he was on the lamb.
Who’s your paddy?
I hate dentists.
Bad oral hygiene can cause so many bad things in your mouth, yet they tell you to brush it off.
What do you get when you cross a tiger and a snowman? Frost-bite!
If there's a will, there's a wave.
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
Why were the kids throwing flour and bread at their school? They wanted to rise to the occasion.
How did the gorilla know she was poorly? She had a belly ape.
If practice makes perfect and perfect needs practice, I’m perfectly practiced and practically perfect.
This can of deodorant said it "Lasts 24 hours"...
So the next day I bought another can.
Are you still wondering why the basketball player could listen to his music? Don’t you know he broke a record!
What’s a salesman’s favorite Scripture passage?
The Great Commission.
Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
What is a dog’s favorite vegetable? A collie flower.
I used to love puns about throwing things, but now I don’t.
It was just a fling.
No one likes eating outside in the winter.
It’s frost come, frost served.
Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water?
Because he was a little horse!
Never marry an archaeologist!
They're always digging up the past.
Why do neurons like e-mail?
The love messages.
What is worse than when it is raining buckets?
Hailing taxis.