Do you think you know more parrot jokes than me? Toucan play that game!
What kind of books do owls read?
Hoo-dunnits.
Two meth heads start a relationship, is that considered speed dating
or just mething around?
What does one vampire say to another before bed?
- I hope you have a fang-tastic day!
What do you call it when you plant a tree at each corner of a house?
A fourest.
I saw this beautiful tower in Italy..
It was a Pisa art!
How did cars walk on to Noah’s Ark?
4X4.
I now pronounce you husband and wifi
You may kiss the bride goodbye.
Why don’t quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage?
Because they produce audible groans!
The big black bug bit the big black bear,
but the big black bear bit the big black bug back!
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
Flamingo parents are really cute with their babies. You should see them playing Beak a Boo.
What did the oranges do after concluding the meeting?
They peeled the deal.
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
Are sasquatches superstitious?
Yes, they always knock on wood!
Be like a pineapple: wear a crown, stand tall, and be always sweet on the inside.
On Mother's Day we went strawberry picking and made a jam from the fruits of our labor.
I'm really obsessed with the F1 key on my keyboard. I'm trying to get help.
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
It wasn’t PEELING well.
Where do fish sleep?
On a seabed, and sometimes they vacation at the river bed.
She sold six shabby sheared sheep on ship.
Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff...
Badum chhh
What's a dragon's favorite snack?
Fire Crackers!
A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk, but the stump thunk the skunk stunk.
I heard that a truck carrying Scrabble tiles has just overturned… Well, that’s the word on the street, anyway.
What's red and has 7 dents in it?
Snow white's cherry!
Who is a beaver's most favorite pop singer ever? Justin Beaver.
I had no one to help me when my computer and phone mutinied
I was left to my own devices.
What did Tom get when he locked Jerry in the freezer? Mice cubes!
"Rosé all day."
Your name must be Summer because you are hot.
All you need is a good dose of vitamin sea.
What's worse than a dragon speaking to you?
The money that you have to pay for therapy.
Only a**holes use bidets.
Why is the baby strawberry crying?
Because its parents are jamming
What did one hat say to the other on the hiking trip?
I'll wait here, you go on ahead.
We’re having a really difficult time selling our house. We blame it on the neighbors.
They always have the lawn sprinkler on… It’s a source of constant irrigation.
Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.
That way I can be fast asleep.
A man meets a fairy.
"I grant you 2 wishes" , says the fairy.
"I want a bottle of beer that never gets empty" , says the man.
He starts to drink. After two minutes he stops drinking and the bottle is still full.
"And youre second wish?" the fairy asks.
"Another one of those."
Why do dogs find it hard to work the TV remote?
Because they always hit the paws button.
When do you put paprika on eggs? Fry-Day.
Set or be set. This is certainly the right way to look at things.
Prague is my number one choice for a dream destination...
Dying to Czech it out
What is the onion that laughs a lot and is small and white in color? It is a tickled onion.
When the ghost watched a sad movie he started boo-hooing.
The crow decided to dress up as Corvid-19 virus for the Halloween costume party.
Why did the vampire need mouthwash? Because he had bat breath.
I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth we can read maps backwards!" and I thought to myself...
“That’s just spam.”
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Peanut.
Peanut who?
Peanut butter open the door!