What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky!
What do you call the Greek version of Spider-Man?
Pita Parker.
What do cats build to prepare for war? Cat-apults.
What do you call a Mexican who lost his car?
Carlos.
Don't fork-get your manners.
What medication does a snake with hay fever take?
An antihissstamine.
Near an ear, a nearer ear, a nearly eerie ear.
What’s a shark’s favorite science fiction TV show?
Shark Trek.
What did the girl dinosaur ask her pet dog?
"Do you want some tea, Rex?"
Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
He called it “Ham Hocks”
What does a Greek machine need to work?
Greece.
Why did the cherry blossom tree seem scared when it was trying to make a cherry pie? Because it was baking like a leaf.
What do zombies say before a fight?
- Do you want a piece of me?
I boiled a funny bone once.
It turned into a laughing stock.
Last evening I walked up the hill in the park to see the planets. Stumbled over a lip in the concrete and went down pretty hard. Ripped pants and skinned hands and knees. When I got to the top I couldn't see a thing.
The view was NOT worth the trip.
What do cannibals eat for dessert?
Chocolate covered aunts.
This weekend is going to be LITerary.
How one snowman greets the other one?
Ice to meet you.
Recently, i started learning Spanish
But i can't hola long conversation.
Why did the toddler chew on pebbles? He wanted to eat rock candy.
Walking through the farm and a group of pigs jumped out of a tree on me.
It was a hambush.
Why didn’t the cheese want to get sliced?
It had grater plans.
What do you call 144 kangaroos in a box?
Gross.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his mother was a wafer so long! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?
What do you call a hamster in between two slices of bread?
A ham sandwich.
Why are coyotes howling in the night?
Because they can only see the cactuses in the day.
Where do gorillas keep their beehives?
Apeiaries.
Never bet on real estate. The house always wins.
I can't stand Greek salads.
I like un-feta'd access to my greens.
Knife and a fork bottle and a cork
that is the way you spell New York.
Chicken in the car and the car can go,
that is the way you spell Chicago.
The science teacher decided to take her class out on a field trip to the mountains because all the kids in her class desperately needed higher grades.
“Elves are always defending the shape of their ears. They make some good points.”
How did the realtor compliment his wife?
He said, “Real estate values will go up and down, but you will remain beautiful forever.”
What do you call a talking kangaroo?
A quantum leap.
Take a vampire to a bar, and you don't need to ask what he wants to drink. He'll have a Bloodweiser.
Why were Native Americans in America first?
They had reservations.
Why did the police arrest the milk after it was poured into a bowl of Fruit Loops? They witnessed him drown them. They knew he must be a cereal killer!
What happens if someone chucks a rock at you? You hit the rock’s bottom.
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
Did you hear about the bank that wanted to put an ATM up a tree? If it works, they are going to expand the idea to other branches.
Iron Man's favourite Xmas gifts this year were socks that fire from his feet.
He called them missile toes.
Why did the duck cross the road?
Because there was a quack in the sidewalk.
Do you know how long dinosaurs should be fed? Exactly the same as short dinosaurs!
What kind of ghoul has the best hearing?
The eeriest!
What’s the difference between a greyhound station and a lobster with a boob job?
One’s a crusty bus-station, the other’s a busty crustacean.
Do you want to know what you get when you cross a newborn snake with a basketball? Really! Ooh you will end up with a bouncing baby boa.
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
Why did the bus driver eat a burger? He wanted to 'bus-t' his energy!
What's a king's favorite kind of precipitation?
Hail!
What did the beaver say to the other beaver? I love you like no otter.