What did the llama get when he graduated school?
A dipllama.
What do you get when you cross a Dinosaur and TNT? Dino-mite.
Why are horses so good at the shooting range?
They’re hunters.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
What is the name of the dancing chocolate bar?
Nestle Crunk bar.
What did the cheese say to the other cheese? I smell something swiss-picious!
The sound of my bones really cracks me up.
Two astronauts who were dating, met up for a launch date.
When we spill soup on the comic book, we will get soup-erman.
I was going to joke about my broken pencil, but it was pointless.
What do you call a secret group of llamas?
The i-llama-nati.
As autumn came, the leaves started greeting each other by saying, "Hay there!"
Why did the Sun never got into college? Because it already has quite a million degrees!
My wife says she’s leaving me because she thinks I’m too obsessed with astronomy.
What planet is she on?!
So, what do you do with an epileptic watermelon? Simple, you make a seizure salad.
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German are all watching a dolphin do some excellent tricks.
The dolphin notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he jumps higher out of the water and calls out, 'Can you all see me now?' And they respond: 'Yes.' 'Oui.' 'Sí.' 'Ja.'
My sister's trying to get famous. She'll never make it, she's just a wanna-pea.
What do you give a train driver for Christmas? Platform shoes!
"Giving you more reasons to wine."
What did the lovesick pig sing to his girlfriend? Don't go bacon my heart!
What's red and invisible? No tomatoes.
What do you do with a green ghoul?
Wait until it ripens!
What do you call a criminal vampire?
A fangster.
He has some good puns on crows, but he doesn’t have to keep crowing about it.
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
How did the cheese professor start class every day?
Oh queso…
Why was the horse such a good dancer?
It perfected its halturn.
What did the coffees say before their night out? Let's stir up some trouble.
This corn is a little rough to the touch. Looks like a job for Kernel Sanders.
How does a deer know what day of the week it is?
It looks at its calen-deer.
You must be a bowling ball since you’re right up my alley.
What’s that feeling you get every month when the mortgage is due?
Homesick.
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
As a Brit, I can't get into American football
They rugby the wrong way.
What is the most disgusting perfume ever made?
Eau de colon.
Why do donuts hate puns so much?
They donut like to joke around!
How do you apologize to a sloth? BEAR your heart and soul.
What do goblins and ghosts drink when they’re hot and thirsty on Halloween?
Ghoul-aid!!!
Can you tell me what type of weeping tree this is? Yes, but you willow me one later.
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong?
Mistaken bacon.
Why should you swim in an ool instead of a pool?
Because there’s no “p” in it!
My friend sailed his yacht into the wharf very rapidly, crashing into the dock and causing a dent in the hull.
It's just a berth mark, he swears.
They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
I accidentally kicked my bed post when I got up this morning, almost couldn't move!
Luckilly, I called a toe truck.
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
How can you tell if there's a dinosaur in the refrigerator ? The door won't close!
Why was the bouncy castle so expensive? Due to the cost of inflation.