Strawberries are only made in the strawberry plant.
A young boy and his dad laid on the grass, looking at the sky. The boy asked, "Dad, will you teach me about the sky?"
The dad replied, "Son, it's way over your head."
Why are cats scared of trees?
Because of their bark.
Why can’t a legless skeleton win an argument?
They don’t have a leg to stand on.
What do you call a hairy monster that lives by a dam?
A weir-wolf.
Why was the computer coughing?
It had a virus.
Why was Pegasus such a good ballerina?
He was flo-wing.
What was the biologist wearing on his first date with a hot chick? Designer jeans.
What kind of music do frogs listen to?
Hip hop.
What kind of ice cream do pigs like best?
Hoggin Daz!
Why did the artist go to the lounge? Because it was her comfort tone.
I didn’t have a map of the corn maze, so I had to play it by ear.
What's the best hairstyle for a gun?
Bangs.
Why do hitters find it so hard to be productive when they are indoors? They always work on an angle to play outside.
In a world that is full of apples, it is much better to be a pineapple.
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
What's the difference between an otter and a navy aircrewman?
At least the otter knows he's not a seal.
What is a kangaroo’s favorite season?
Spring!
Whats the distant cousin of the werewolf?
The way over therewolf.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
What did the tuna say to her overzealous partner?
I think we need to scale things back here.
What did they call Dracula after his team won the big game?
The Champire.
What did the Gorilla say when he saw there was a sale happening?
Ooh! OOh! OOOh!!!!
I seem to find a way of sneaking chocolate into movie theaters..
.. I always have a few twix up my sleeve.
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
What is a car’s favourite sport?
Soc-car.
My kid asked why I named our WiFi "ship"?
But that's how everything syncs.
How do baby chickens dance?
Chick-to-chick.
What happened to the dog who ate too much garlic?
Its bark was worse than its bite.
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
Why did the origami artist win her court case? She was great at doing the paperwork.
A sun walks into a black hole.
The black hole says to the sun "I don't think you understand the gravity of this situation".
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
Why did the thieves kidnap the monkey?
Because they believed in gibbon take.
A cream-filled donut and an eclair decided to get a divorce.
It’s a sad story, but the real victims are their children. They’re in for a grueling custardy battle.
What happened when 100 hares got loose on Main Street? The police had to comb the area.
Whenever I hear folksy stories about the hills, I can never get over them.
Why did the farmer put his cow on the scales?
He wanted to see how much the milky weighed.
Did you hear about the thief that preferred robbing criminals and babysitters?
He cleaned out every crook and nanny.
What family does Maiasaur belong to? I don't think any families in our neighborhood have one!
Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".
What do you call a doctor who became a delivery driver?
MedEx
What do you call somebody who's addicted to trimming hair?
A clipptomaniac!
Usain bolt must be a fruit
Have you seen that mango?
Don't get caught elvesdropping on Santa!
What’s green and mean and stabs you when you hug it?
Cactus
I went to a mansion but everyone had bad etiquette.
It was a Bad Manor.
What did the banana say to the monkey? Nothing, bananas can't talk!