Why did the cows have towels? To keep each udder dry.
Librarians don't like drinking white wine. They prefer the well red ones!
In a world that is full of apples, it is much better to be a pineapple.
What is a cat lover's favourite tree?
A juni-purr.
There was a weird Crab
Whenever he used to walk, his claws used to make a ta-ta-ta-ta sound.
How can you tell if there's a dinosaur in the refrigerator ? The door won't close!
The moon asked the sun: Buddy when you are so hot, why are you single yet?
Why go to the beach? I’d rather be by the ski-side.
My dad used to say "the sky's the limit"
Which is probably why he got fired from his job at N.A.S.A.
Shake your shamrocks.
I didn't want to have brain surgery but I had to.
I guess it changed my mind.
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
Don't get tide-up in sorrows, you will only cry a river.
What is a kangaroo’s favorite season?
Spring!
What happened when the koala tripped and fell in a crowded restaurant? He got embearassed.
What should you name a crow with soft down feathers? Microwsoft.
I can cut a piece of wood with my own eyes just by looking at it
It's true, I saw it with my own eyes.
What explorer was the best at Hide and Seek?
Marco Polo.
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
What do you call a girl watermelon cop on the beat? A water fe-melon duty.
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
What did the tornado say to the sports car?
Let's go for a spin!
What do you call a kid who wants to cannibalise his siblings?
A munchkin.
What do cloves use for money? Garlic "Bread."
What do you call a woman standing in the middle of a tennis court?
Anette.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
What is a squirrel’s favorite drink? A Peanut-Kola-da.
What do a witch and a candle have in common?
They're both wicked.
Somebody stole all my lamps… I couldn’t be more de-lighted!
What’s a horse’s favorite animated movie?
Bolt.
The best place to hide something is at an airport
You'd be hiding something in plane site.
Apple is announcing a new cell phone for children.
iKid you not.
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
Two tiny tigers take two taxis to town.
St. Patrick’s Day makes me Spring to life.
What’s the preacher’s favorite fall song? A-maize-ing Grace.
Why didn’t the newlyweds plant any flowers this spring?
They were too busy planting kisses!
My sister bet me that I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti
You should have seen her face as I drove Pasta
Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs.
Why don’t people like grumpy vampires?
Because they have bat tempers.
How does a flower propel a bicycle?
It petals!
R.I.P boiled water. You will be mist
As a mythologist and head of the household,
My word is lore.
The local zoo just started a recycling collection program to support its mission: 'When you bring in one can, you can save Toucans.'
A security guard at an airport informs the pilot of a man trying to sneak contraband onto an airplane.
The pilot responds, "That's not going to fly."
What happened to the pirate who lost his peg leg?
He couldn't find it, so he was stumped.
Why did the cat want to learn to fly?
She wanted to try bats.
Why do ghosts and demons get along so well? Demons are a ghoul’s best friend.
I think you're mer-mazing.
My grandma is 80% Irish.
People call her Iris.