Did you hear the Islamic music group who covered "I've Got You Babe?"
Sunni and Shia.
What do you call it when you spill your drink all over a piano?
Rag time.
Ana hits a lot of floating shots that her opponents destroy for winners. We need to sitter down and have a talk.
I thought about making a new condiment that was a mixture of Ketchup and Mustard.
But then I decided the name KetchTard would be pretty MustUp.
One of the historical figures to play music with has got to be the talented Mr. Ben-jam-in Franklin.
Why do owls make such bad baseball players?
Their hits are always fowl.
Why do physics professors prefer overweight students?
They have greater potential.
How does a turtle feel after being electrocuted?
Shell-shocked.
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
What was Santa's best subject in school? Chemistree.
Which type of dinosaur could jump higher than a house ? Any kind! A house cannot jump!
What do you call a periodic table when the gold is missing?
Au revoir.
What's the best way to avoid eating too many Thanksgiving leftovers? Quit cold turkey.
Why didn't the lemon juice like the soap?
Because he was basic.
How do pigs get to the hospital?
In ham-bulances.
What do horses eat with their salad? Dressage-ing.
Why are glow worms good to carry in your bag? They can lighten your load.
What do you call a cherry that is hard as nails? Tough as old fruits.
King Arthur's Round Table was built by Sir Cumference.
“How do the elves clean Santa’s sleigh on the day after Christmas? They use Santa-tizer!”
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
Why did the bank have the squirrel arrested?
He was foraging checks.
Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
Because they spend years at C!
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
I asked a pink bird who its favourite artist was. It looked at me strangely and replied “Flamingo Starr, of course.”
Where do kittens learn to move around? On the catwalk
What did one tectonic plate say to the other when they bumped into each other?
Sorry, that was my fault.
I went to my fridge to get some lettuce for my salad
But there was none Romaine-ing.
Mom: *Struggling to make a decision between 1% or 2%.
Dad: Milk up your mind!
Today I Learned I should NOT have my password be the name of my cat.
I then turned to my cat and said, "Well, wJ:cg/v&A;6BTt, I guess it's back to the drawing board."
What's a frog's favorite game?
Croak-et.
What do you call your sibling’s daughter, who is famous?
Star anise
What is a beaver's most favorite song ever? You made me a, you made me a beaver, beaver.
I hate spring cleaning.
Darn things bounce all over the place.
What do llamas say when you tell them something obvious?
“No spit, Sherlock.”
Why did the hotdogger quit skiing at MaryJane?
Because it was the wurst stunt skier at Winter Park Resort.
How can you tell where the Easter Bunny left his treasure
Eggs marks the spot.
What kind of beer can you make from a potato?
Spud Light.
A man started wearing a blanket to the office.
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...
We had a lively debate in physics.
It was a conversation of energy.
What shape is a kiss?
A-lip-tickle.
What is an owl’s favorite Beatles’ song?
Owl you need is love.
What was one raindrop overheard saying to another? Two's company, three's a cloud.
What’s every ice cream parlor owner’s side hustle?
Sundae school teacher.
How do you make holy water?
By boiling the hell out of it.
Last night the river was arrested. The river was accused of illegal streaming.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle.
What do you call a guitar used to play pool?
A cue stick.
I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.