As he gobbled the cakes on his plate, the greedy ape said as he ate: The greener green grapes are, the keener keen apes are to gobble green grape cakes. They’re great!
I'm training to be an anesthetist, so I asked the head surgeon "Can I practice on my self first?"
He said "Sure, knock yourself out!"
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with Linkin Park. But in the end, it doesn't even matter.
My friend thought ketchup didn’t exist
So I told him to check his sauces.
Every single morning I get hit by the same bike.
It's a vicious cycle.
Which country’s capital has the fastest-growing population? Ireland. It’s Dublin every day.
A Pun, a Play on Words, and a Limerick walk into a bar....
No Joke.
Shell-abrate the good times!
Why did the witch's cat scratch her?
Because he was in a bad mewd.
Yetis have declared their own independent state in the Himalayas.
It's an abomi-nation.
What cheese surrounds a medieval castle? Moatzeralla
Did you hear the joke about the elephant who was stuck in a tree last spring? To get down, she had to sit down on a branch and wait until fall.
What do you get if you cross Bossy with a vampire?
Dracowla.
Why was the scarecrow upset with the worm?
It was going ear to ear in the corn field!
Flat-Earthers hate the fact our planet is spherical, whereas Asgard is flat.
It's a Thor subject for them.
Who did the ghost invite to his party? Any old friend he could dig up.
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
Today, I am eating a bun filled with pineapple and ham for my dinner. That is Hawaii roll.
What did the Mexican wrestler say after he ate a taco that was too spicy?
“It’s okay, I’ll just guac it off”
What do you do with a green ghoul?
Wait until it ripens!
How do blind folks buy homes in hot markets?
Sight unseen.
Two tiny timid toads trying to trot to Tarrytown.
Astronauts can't open milk bottles in space. 'In space, no one can. Here, use cream'.
Driving behind an ambulance, I watched a box fall off the back. I checked inside and there was a foot in it, so I decided to call a toe truck.
Pete's pa pete poked to the pea patch to pick a peck of peas for the poor pink pig in the pine hole pig-pen.
The gang of crows used a crowbar to break into the house.
Did you hear about the two bats meeting? It was love at first bite!
I told my dad I wanted world peace. He said whirled peas sounded horrible.
Frankenstein entered a body-building competition…
And soon found he had seriously misunderstood the objective.
A cued peach visual communication system is used with people suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
What happened after the conifer fell in love at the orchard? A pineapple tree.
Don’t get me wrong, I love our soccer team. However, in sharp contrast to the albatross, our team doesn’t have two decent wings.
I was a bit worried about making breakfast on Halloween
But I ain't afraid of no toast.
How do fish get from place to place while playing golf?
With a golf carp,
Why didnt the moon go outside?
Because it was waning.
Man wins award after he died eating appetizers at a Mediterranean restaurant
It was a Post-Hummus award.
What happened when the turkey got into a fight? He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
The book about Mount Everest had quite a cliff hanger.
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad!
Did you hear about the guy who overdosed on curry powder? He went into a korma.
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
Did you see the award-winning movie about a hot dog? It was an Oscar wiener!
Why did the penguin enter the theatre?
He wanted to go into snow business
He knew literally everything about the constellations. Some might even say that his knowledge of the night sky was astronomical.
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
I was washing the car with my son, until he said...
“Dad, please, can’t you just use a sponge?”
Ghosts drop off their babies at the day-scare centre when they go to work.
Where do gorillas keep their beehives?
Apeiaries.
What did the crow decide to dress up as on Halloween? As a scarecrow.
What type of weapon can you make with potassium, iron and nickel? A KniFe.