Winter is un-brr-lieveable!
I just had a near-se* experience…
My whole wife flashed before my eyes.
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
When the AC circuits in your home are hit by a DC lightning bolt..
It's a current affair.
Why do toadstools grow so close to each other? They do not need mushroom to grow.
Why do saxophone players get so many dates?
Because they have sax appeal
Why do ambulance drivers always have a partner with them?
They’re pair-a-medics.
Why did the lamps get arrested?
They were in some shady business
Q. Which famous magician always wore a multi-color suit on stage?
A. Hue-dini.
What fruit do vampire bats like the best?
Neck-tarines.
What did the tree say to spring?
What a re-leaf!
I used to be a personal driver in France
But now I have nothing to chauffeur it.
I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs.
Number 3 will shock you
Sometimes you have to green and bear it.
What is the result of an art competition? A draw.
I needed to add some grass seeds to my lawn. The only thing I could find to keep the seeds out of my flower bed was some ceramic bunnies my wife had, so I used those as a barrier.
Please don't make fun of my re-seeding hare line.
"Have a hoppy Easter."
You shouldn't wear glasses when playing football...
They say it's a contact sport.
How can you tell the difference between a monster and a banana? Try picking it up. If you can't, it's either a monster or a giant banana.
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
I for one
is something you might do if you had a broken keyboard
What do you get when you cross a chicken with a bell?
An alarm cluck.
What do bandages like to put on their salad?
A wound dressing.
Did you hear about the cheese lover who took his girlfriend for granted?
How dairy.
A happy hippo hopped and hiccupped.
Recently, i started learning Spanish
But i can't hola long conversation.
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye deer.
Who granted the fish’s wish?
The fairy cod mother!
If a lion is the king of the jungle...
Then shouldn’t they call it a reignforest?
I really hate rock puns.
My sediments exactly.
Why did a pirate leave the boat to get his forgotten cell phone? Booty calls.
I've recently got a job making chess pieces.
I'm mostly working knights.
What does the mushroom say to his lover? – “I have so mush-room in my heart for you, baby!”
What did the fishermen say to the fish that swam away? "You bass-tard!"
I got a C in Physics and my parents grounded me.
They say I don't understand the gravity of the situation.
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
Five frantic frogs fled from fifty fierce fishes.
I'm very proud of my family for owning such a musical property.
We live in A flat.
What advice did the grandpa pig have for his kids?
“Don’t take anything for grunted.”
When the little boy was baking a cake why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
What did the cell say when his sister stepped on his toe?
Mitosis!
The great Greek grape growers grow great Greek grapes.
Turtles communicate with each other through shell phones.
My brother, who is an IT guy, got surgery done on his fingers. Now he can truly be called a tech-knuckle support guy.
Why do some trees hate playing checkers? Because they are true chess-nuts.
Why do neurons like e-mail?
The love messages.
What do you get when you cross a computer with an elephant? Lots of memory!
What did the tree say after someone hit it? We should really call the copse.
Dogs can't operate an MRI machine, but Catscan.
What is a cat’s favorite color? Purr-ple.