As it snow happens.
I slept with a lemon once. Now I have lemonaids.
Why can't an IT guy keep a girlfriend?
He turns them all off and on again.
How do zombies introduce themselves?
- Pleased to eat you.
What do kittens wear? Dia-purrs!
Do you know about April 1st?
Yes, I’m fooly aware of it!
What do you call a hospital ward full of epeliptic vegetables?
Seizure salad
I beg your garden?
"Do you know how long it takes for a bomb to explode?"
No, but dynamite!
Sheep have a clever way of keeping all their four feet warm in the winter; they wear muttons.
It’s time to say Versailles to France.
Rebel without a Claus.
A physics teacher is about to jump off a high bridge
When a friend stops him saying, "Don't do it, you have so much potential."
Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
Because demons are a ghoul's best friend.
Why are dogwood trees amazing pets? They have a great bark and a wooden bite.
What does a priest put on his salad?
Lettuce spray.
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
"I carrot wait for the Easter Bunny."
What did the phone say to the radio when they met for a date?
This is AUXhilarating
My wife hates my collection of old snake skins.
So I have to keep them in the shed.
What do aspens wear to school? A tree-shirt.
Why have a mer little when you can have a merlot?
The story of the chicken and cow running away together sounds like a cock and bull story to me.
What do you feed the son of god? Cheeses of Nazareth.
Local restaurant has kangaroo loin and it’s actually pretty good
It’s been awhile since I had it, but I remember it being a little jumpy and has a kick.
How do planets staying busy during hunting season?
By shooting stars.
What is blood's message to the world? B POSITIVE.
Don't ever think dentists are perfect individuals
They most certainly have floss.
What do you say when you go to a dinner with a bunch of osteopathologists?
Bone appetit!
his morning my son said his ear hurt and I asked : on the inside or outside?
So he walks out the front door, comes back in and says "Both."
What type of key opens a banana?
A monkey.
Why is the moon so conceited at times?
It becomes full of itself.
"Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a python."
"Oh you can’t get round me like that, you know."
Why did some cardinals get their feathers ruffled?
The Pope gave away the church’s nest egg to the poor.
What do you call it when a truck of tortoises crashes into an aquarium?
A turtle disaster.
I know tons of dad jokes! Here’s one
1.
"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."
I think your supposed to use a razor.
As a mythologist and head of the household,
My word is lore.
How does Italy execute its criminals?
Guidotine.
An introvert elephant and an emo giraffe walked into a bar.
They couldn’t fit in.
What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
"HeHe."
You are un-beer-lievable!
Did you hear about the salad race the other day?
The Lettuce was ahead, but the Tomato was ketchoping up...
What does a couch say to another couch at the other side of the room?
We are sofa apart!
Do not be sad because of these bad words. You are always a fineapple in my heart.
Why did the bowlegged cowboy get fired?
Because he couldn't keep his calves together!
If you drop your white shirt in the Red Sea, what will it become?
Wet
When does a turkey go "mooooo"? When it is learning a new language!
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded? De-brie went everywhere!