If you photograph your pimples, is zit art?
My cows are super confusing. I can’t milk heads or tails of them.
What's a fetus's favorite craft?
Embryoidery.
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
I’ll try to keep it brief, but I have so much to Marseilles about France.
Why did the submarines feelings get hurt?
Because they keep calling it a dipship
What happens after you eat an entire gallon of "All Natural" ice cream? You get Breyer's remorse!
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
Q: How does a tiger move a boat?
A: He uses roars.
Why do comedians hate telling jokes at zombie night?
All they hear is groans.
Two hot dogs were having a race. One overtook the other, who called out “I see you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup with me!”
Why did the mommy and daddy werewolves call their son “Camera”?
Because he was always snapping at things!
What is a car’s favourite film?
Taxi.
I started an insurance company for flower and gardening businesses...
It's called "oopsie daisies."
What month does every tree dread? Sept-timmmberrr!
Everyday for lunch I like to eat two pears, and my dad knows this.
One day I saw him dropping two pears into a bunch of brown paper bags.
“What are you doing?” I asked him.
“Preparing.”
The worst type of criminal is he who mugs other people's coffee.
How come Crabs never share with their friends?
Because they're Shellfish.
What kind of milk do people drink in Mexico? Soy milk.
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
I was thinking of making an investment on a new farming venture that feeds marijuana to cows instead of grass.
The steaks will be too high for sure.
Sloths never kiss on the first date, they take it slow.
What is a grammar vampire's least favourite drink?
Type-O.
A pilot friend of mine took the flight exam and flew past a rainbow. No wonder, he passed with flying colors.
Why did the junkie adopt a one legged crow?
So he could get crow cane from his vet.
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
How do you know when a crab's drunk?
When it starts walking straight
Who is Frosty’s favorite Aunt?
Aunt Artica!
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
What's in the middle of Paris?
R.
Why are some umpires fat?
Because they always clean the plate.
What is the poshest breed of dog?
A Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.
What do you call a sneezing big foot in Spanish?
Achoopacabra.
Why was Mozart a child prodigy?
All his early pieces were in A sharp minor.
The fact that we were asked to leave our beautiful purple color house by the owner is still purplexing for me.
If you try to stretch a fork to see if it breaks...
Are you testing its utensil strength?
Why do worms hate graveyards?
They keep bumping into skeletons!
Uni-corn? I though that’s what you call a single grain or maize.
What’s an apple’s favorite movie? Mr and Mr Smith.
What did the wise papa fish tell his son?
Keep your friends close and your anemones closer.
Q. What is a mime's favorite time of the day?
A. Dusk, because all the colors are muted.
What do you call a dinosaur that lost his glasses? uthinkhesawrus
Two antennas got married – the wedding was lousy, but the reception was outstanding.
My least favorite teacher in the school is the History teacher. Whenever she takes a class on Ancient History, she tends to Babylon.
What do you call a dog with a fever? A hot dog.
I went to the Red Cross to donate blood.
They threw me out and said "We don't want your type here!"
What do ghosts drink on St Patricks Day?
BOOs.
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
Had beaver curry last night.
Bit like a normal curry, just a little otter.
If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
Pilgrims.