Why shouldn't you be too inquisitive with a cherry? Ask no questions tell no pies.
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot, anyway.
Working the poker table at the casino with my new prosthetic hand is going to be a challenge,
But I’ll learn to deal with it.
Everyone remembers the common hieroglyphics grammar rule...
Eye before flea, except after sea.
Which monster plays the most April Fool’s jokes?
Prankenstein.
Vikings aren't afraid of death.
They know they'll be Bjorn again.
What do volleyball players do when they go to church? Serve God.
Did you hear about the spies trying to infiltrate japan, Italy, and Germany in WWII?
They were denied axis.
The nut said it was very pine-ful when its’ shell cracked.
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
How did the octopuses win the football match?
Ten tackles
What do dehydrated alligators drink?
Gatorade.
What do you call fake ramen noodles? An impasta.
Where do penguins keep their money?
In a snow bank!
Q: What’s red and invisible?
A: No cherries.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
What would you call a jellyfish combat veteran?
A man o' war.
When ghosts visit the seaside, they always get an i-scream.
What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?
A kernel.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
Where do llamas go on vacation?
Alpacapuco.
I am happy that the arrangements for St Patrick's day are going great. The large bottles of green soda look pitcher-perfect.
What are the magic words for a brainy magician?
Hocus sulcus.
Where do cats go when they die? Purr-gatory.
Why do Dachshunds nap in the sun?
Because they’re hot dogs.
Every morning when I leave home, a bike comes from somewhere and runs me over. It’s a vicious cycle.
What do you calla watermelon that just won’t stop committing crimes? A watefelon.
What should you do with an old inventory of fine French wine?
Liquidate it to the highest bidder.
Having pineapple on a pizza is quite like going down on a cousin: It might taste good, but something is not right.
All these years of technological developments and I still haven’t seen a colour photo of a zebra.
When I took a break from having soup, my mom said "Carry on, why did you stoup?"
The peach started acting all funny because it was really fuzzy.
Give papa a cup of proper coffee in a copper coffee cup.
What did the last of the zombies say to the survivers of the apocalypse?
- It’s been a living hell with you guys around.
So I asked my Spanish friend if he knew where fish lived.
He said "Si."
What’s a cetacean’s favorite TV show?
Whale of Fortune.
What do Italians eat on Halloween?
Fettuccine Afraid-O
What does a witch get if she crosses a black cat and a lemon?
A sour puss.
A classical musician bought a Stradivari violin
Now he is quite Baroque.
If you can think of a better fish pun, let minnow.
French, French Revolution
What do you call a murder where the perp runs away on a bicycle?
A drive bike shooting
Can linesmen enter the Hall of Fame? Yes, because they decide who's HOFside.
Can you name 10 dinosaurs in 10 seconds? Yes, 8 Iguanadons and 2 Stegasaurus.
What is the king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Hail, of course!
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs.
Number 3 will shock you
Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days?
Because then the kids have to play indoors.
What world-famous rock group has four guys that don't even sing? Mount Rushmore.