Egg puns are the most egg-citing.
What kind of car does Yogi bear drive?
A Furrari.
There was a group of ants that always went on parties together, but one smelled way worse than the others.
He was de odor ant.
Sad to hear that Baron von Frankenstein has given up on his dream of being an actor.
He couldn’t get the parts.
My collection of Swiss watches was stolen in Spain.
Adios Omegas.
What do you get when you cross a giraffe and a pig?
Bacon and legs.
Why do owls shower so often?
So they don’t smell fowl.
What’s the easiest way to stop a dog from digging in the garden?
Take away his shovel!
Synonym rolls: just like grammar used to make.
What does a Greek God say when they answer the phone?
"Whodisious?"
How do you stop an Internet troll?
Seize their memes of production.
Wolfs are named after lots of things around and about them. For instance, lumberjack wolfs are known as timber wolfs.
It’s allergy season again?! You’ve got to be pollen my leg.
Why was the girl staring at the carton of orange juice?
“It said concentrate.”
You are aged to perfection.
I heard they sent a beer into space, destined to leave the solar system. They called it Interstella Artois.
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
When you go to the wolf hotel just around the corner, you will meet this huge, moustached wolf who always says, “howl may I help you?” as if he has no other words to us!
Why did the quarterback suddenly walk off the field?
The coach told him to take a hike!
"What's with that fruit taped to your mouth?" the doctor asked. "Covid-19 prevention," the patient replied.
"You need a bandana, not a banana!"
Why don’t fairies live under toadstools?
Because there’s not mushroom in the enchanted forest.
The urinals were broken at my dad's work
He had to walk a long distance to go to the bathroom. When the plumber came and informed him the urinals were fixed, my dad told him "I'm relieved!"
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
What the motto of a Boy Scout who got a badge for fixing a bicycle horn?
Beep Repaired!
Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
because it felt crumby.
What do koalas do when they see social injustice happening in the world? They fight for ekoalaty!
My dad is going through heart failure, and the first text that I get from him after sending him a card says:
“No more corny jokes, now just corn-orary jokes.”
What Do Ducks Have With Soup?
Quackers
What would a potato say to a peach? – “You have a nice pit!”
What kind of dishes do skeletons serve tea on?
Bone china.
Lemonade and iced tea make an Arnold Palmer. What do you get when you Mix Lemonade with a tea bag?
Benedict Arnold Palmer
What do Snowmen call their offspring?
Chill-dren.
If H20 is water, then what is H204? It’s for drinking, washing and swimming, of course!
Someone told me I looked like a salt shaker. I took it as a condiment.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
What do you call a melon that commits a crime?
“A water-fellon!”
What did the coffee lover name his son?
Joe, obviously.
Why did the orange come back after it was thrown in the garbage?
It was a boom-orange.
We should've guessed the failed postman wouldn't be any better at delivering his acting lines.
What game do some skiers like to play on the road trip to the slopes?
Ice Spy With My Little Ice.
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
What do you say when you see a stunned ghostbuster catch a ghoul?
He's a little confused but he's got the spirit.
You shouldn't wear glasses when playing football...
They say it's a contact sport.
What do you call a zombie DJ?
A dead beat.
I went to see the Liberty Bell the other day.
It’s not all it’s cracked up to be.
What did the dog groomer say to her dentist?
I clean my canines every day.
Where does a cat keep its coins? In its purr-se.
Why was the slice of bread upset with her husband?
He told her she was being too kneady.
I hope it doesn’t rain Halloween night.
That would dampen spirits.