"Another glass? Wine not?!"
Why do Ghosts avoid the rain? It dampens their spirits.
People are always amazed by the skilled tattoo artists in Spain
Nobody expects the Spanish ink precision.
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
My wife said that onions are the only vegetable that makes her cry
So I threw a pumpkin at her
What do you call the people that you eat grass and produce milk alongside?
Cow-workers!
What is the definition of a slug? A snail with a housing problem!
What do you call a buffet for sheep?
All you can bleat!
Did you hear the story of the little ghoul that grew up?
It became a headhunter!
What do you call 2000 pounds of Chinese soup? Won Ton.
Will the Red Wings be able to replace their venerable captain Steve? No, because
when it comes to hockey smarts there is no Yzer man.
What do snowmen wear on their heads?
Ice caps.
"Don’t be elfish," said momma elf to her son. "Share with your sister."
What kind of pet fish did the skeleton have?
A bonefish.
What is a koala’s favorite soft drink? Koka-Koala, of course!
How do you get more bounce in a water bed?
Put some spring water in it
What’s the National Donut Day theme song?
“Donut Stop Believing.”
How will you have communion in the space if you won’t have mass?
What if soy milk is just regular milk that's trying to introduce itself in Spanish?
A bear's least favorite pastry at any party is the blue bear-y pie.
What happens when you rub two oranges together?
You get Pulp Friction.
How do you know when your dog is lazy?
When it chases parked cars.
Why did the dolphin blush?
Because it saw the ocean’s bottom!
I tried telling a joke while drinking my juice for breakfast, but nobody got my punch line.
Did you hear about the guy who opened up a store where they only sell Swiss cheese?
It’s a hole business strategy.
What do you do if you get attacked by a killer clowns?
Go for the jugular.
The fruit bat ate the orange because of its appeal. It had such a nice color.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
What do you call a hot dog race? Wiener takes all.
What did the newspaper say to the ice cream? What's the scoop
Hey shawty, it’s sherbert day.
What did the angry witch do after sitting on her broomstick?
She flew off the handle.
My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions
But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?
Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.
Fred fed Ted bread and Ted fed Fred bread.
Why did the dunce get hurt after raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.
When I was younger, I once smashed up a nest of heron's eggs.
No egrets.
What kind of music do sophisticated kangaroos listen to?
Hopera.
What do you call a funnel shaped storm made of ketchup?
A tormato.
What do you call bacon with salt on it
Salt and Peppa
The peach couple is in love. They seem to be born for peach other.
“I am hungary.”
“Maybe you should czech the fridge.”
“I’m russian to the kitchen.”
“Is there any turkey?”
“We have some, but it’s covered in greece”
“ew, there’s norway I’d eat that!”
What Christmas carol do candy bars sing? Almond Joy To The World.
How much do you love rainbows? Just a skittle bit.
I think you’re incredi-bowl.
What do you call a group of guys waiting to get their hair cut?
A Barbecue.
I tripped over a floor tile in the bathroom today. Got out alright, but it's safe to say...
I got floored.
Why did the man lose his job in a fruit packing firm? He kept throwing the bent bananas away.
Did you hear the joke about the roof? I doubt you’d get it. It’s over your head.