Sometimes planes go in for maintenance when they have cracks in their bodywork, we call them air-line fractures.
A spider crawled under my keyboard a few minutes ago.
Good news: I’ve got it under Ctrl.
She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot, anyway.
“I don’t find health-related puns funny anymore since I started suffering from an irony deficiency.”
Something is Wrong With My Bicycle,
it doesn't Go Straight.
Where do the keys on a keyboard go to have a good time
The spacebar.
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
What types of stories do giant sequoias love to tell? Tall tales, of course.
My neighbor was walking across the street while carrying the game Scrabble then suddenly dropped it, leaving the game board and pieces on the ground.
I said: “Hey Jeff! What’s the word on the street?”
Where do horses go on vacation?
Flankfurt.
How does a Pegasus ask her boyfriend to propose?
She says “You’ve got to put a wing on it.”
My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frost bite.
I went into the kitchen and found that someone replaced all the cutting utensils with spoons
That wasn't knife.
Since it's Mothers Day weekend, I decided to make sure my wife woke up with a BIG SMILE on her face this morning...
Now I can't have Sharpies in the house anymore.
Egg puns are the most egg-citing.
"I'll be right back, I need to go for a pea," said the fruit during the interval.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
What happened when a man practiced archery near some stationary planes? They ended up very arrow-dynamic.
How does a kangaroo pick his favorite baseball team?
He jumps on the bandwagon.
What’s black and white and goes round and round?
A panda stuck in a revolving door.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Peanut.
Peanut who?
Peanut butter open the door!
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
I took the recent snow warnings with a pinch of salt.
Why did the electrician marry his colleague? He couldn’t resistor.
What kind of cheese protects a castle?
Moat-zarella.
What do you call a deer that feeds on the blood of others?
Vlad the impala.
What is a cat’s favorite class at school? Hiss-tory!
Sorry seems to be the hardest word to say...
Unless you're Chinese. Then it's 'squirrel'.
It is said that crows and owls are in caw-hoots.
Never trust a flamingo unless you can be sure it has fully fledged ideas.
My son's has never really had much of an appetite.
But suddenly today he's eaten a dozen Kinder eggs whole.
He's full of surprises.
What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?
"Put it on my bill."
If I made werewolf puns, they would be howl-arious.
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
Why is ice cream so bad at tennis?
They have a soft serve.
What kind of plant generates the most energy? A power plant.”
Why was a realtor amused by solving a house jigsaw puzzle in just five weeks?
The box read for 10-14 years!
Dr. Frankenstein just placed an order on Amazon.
It wasn't expensive, but I imagine the shipping cost him an arm and a leg.
Say it ain’t snow.
How do you keep a goat from charging?
You take his credit card away!
What do you get when you cross a cat and a sloth? A slow leopard.
What do you call a baby owl stuck in the rain?
A moist owlette.
What did the ghost who crashed the Halloween party say? - I’m here for the boos!
I'm like a cow in tall grass,
I'm utterly tickled to be here.
What do you get if you come fourth in the National Weatherman Awards? A precipitation trophy.
What did the witch do when her broomstick broke?
She witch-hiked.
I lost my cat in a snowstorm!
But he should be fine because he's a cool cat.