What is the reproductive area in South America? Spermatagonia.
Q: What is a wind turbine’s favorite musical group?
A: Air Supply
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
Nobody wants to sit next to the watermelon in the class because it has a strange smelon.
How did Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code
Want to hear a joke about weather?
Actually, never mind. I'll just save it for a rainy day.
What do you call a flying monkey?
A hot air baboon.
Why did the neuron like to sleep in the top bunk bed?
It wanted to have a high resting potential.
What do you get when you cross a snake and a frog?
A jump rope.
Longfellow is the known poet of basketball.
Every single morning I get hit by the same bike.
It's a vicious cycle.
Which hard drive is always the happiest?
Disk C:
What did the tortilla chip say to the avocado when the dip bowl was empty?
“We’ve hit guac bottom!”
What did the lovesick pig sing to his girlfriend? Don't go bacon my heart!
What's the difference between a Yankee Stadium hot dog and a Fenway Park hot dog? You can buy a Yankee Stadium hot dog in October.
What do you do when your partner drinks your coffee? I don't know, but that's certainly grounds for divorce.
If you ever own a koala as a pet, make sure you can keep track of it by putting a koalar around its neck.
Did you hear about the monk who was caught molesting kids? Yeah, bastard was telling the poor kids to touch his eunuch-horn.
We did not understand what the mother turtle was saying because it was all in ridleys.
Apparently my password needs to be capitals only so I've changed it to LONDONMADRIDROME.
What's the slogan for the New York Demon Chomping Advocacy Group?
Gobble the ghoul.
Why does the rabbit bring toilet paper to the party? Because he is a party pooper.
Prague is my number one choice for a dream destination...
Dying to Czech it out
Would you call a guy who’s eating corn while riding a unicycle a unicorn on the cob?
Why was the burger sad? Because he had the blue cheese.
Why didn't the mexican archer fire his bow?
Because he didn't habanero.
I invented a device that can stop a snake in its tracks.
It's made of asphalt.
What's an astronaut's favorite meat? Launch meat!
What’s the difference between a fly and an eagle?
An eagle can fly but a fly cannot eagle.
Oh, I thought I was playing the first round, but I guess I got a free pass. Bye.
Why did the Easter bunny fire the duck?
He kept quacking all the eggs.
Rock was magma before it was cool.
When the husband of the queen gets back to his palace after climbing the mountain, the queen says "Hi, King!"
What happens when it rains cats and dogs? You have to be careful not to step in a poodle!
When did the dentist develop tooth pain?
Tooth-hurty!
What is a car’s favourite bug?
A beetle.
If you are ever babysitting a cherry, remember that their favorite cartoon is Tom And Cherry.
Why were the herbs not fully grown yet? They didn't have enough thyme!
What is John Lennon's favorite donut? Strawberry' Filled Forever.'
What did the Christmas tree tell his crush? I pine for you.
What do you can an ant scientist?
Albert Antstein.
I'm not saying you're old, but if you were milk I'd sniff you first.
Why did the skeleton go to church?
Because it didn’t have any organs.
What do sophisticated fish drink? Salt-Tea.
My wife says she’s leaving me because she thinks I’m too obsessed with astronomy.
What planet is she on?!
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead.
When is it raining money? Whenever there's 'change' in the weather.
What is a donut’s favorite day of the week?
Fry-day.
I was not allowed to do my stand up act at the mushroom comedy show. I guess I am not a fungi.
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”