Your name must be Autumn because I am falling for you.
Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water?
They set a new lap record.
I was very surprised to hear those insane rapping skills from my green onions. It had lived up to its name of rapscallion.
Have you heard about the new meat that’s taking the world by storm? It’s a cross between a cow and a chicken. They call it “roost beef”.
Most camels prefer camelmile drinks because of the nutrition in there.
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were Prime mates!
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
What do you call someone that plays Tenor and Alto saxophone?
Bisaxual.
Q: What do you call two peas in a pod?
A: Peepee.
What happens before it starts raining candy?
It sprinkles!
What's more amazing than a talking turkey? A spelling bee!
Where in the World Can You Find the Highest Concentration of Engineers?
Antarctica! Because that's where all the P. Enguins are!
What would bears be without bees?
Ears.
How do you defeat a meat-loving vampire? With a steak to the heart!
The French real estate agent was very upset when their new listing was destroyed.
He said it was chateau-strophic!
I built an electric fence around my property yesterday.
My neighbor is dead against it.
What is Halloween's favorite medicine?
Any brand of coffin cold.
What do you call dogs who pay in the snow?
Slush puppies.
I don't know don't about your faucet, but mine is doing a pour job.
How do you know you’ve been visited by a possessed rabbit? He leaves deviled eggs.
What is a bird that flies over a football field called?
A fieldgull.
Q: What video games do fruits play?
A: Peach ball.
I want to start a deer breeding business…
But first, I’m gonna need about 5,000 bucks.
Why is it called Almond Milk?
Because no one would buy it if it was called Nut Juice.
A few punny Wifi names you can use:
Wi-Fight the Inevitable
Chance the Router
The LAN Before Time
Silence of the LAN
I Believe Wi Can Fi
The Password is...
Click Here to Download
Get off my LAN
Router? I Hardly Knew Her
Definitely Not Wifi
What are the best vegetables to sleep under?
a can of peas.
A boy lines up to get some apple juice and a girl lines up to get some orange juice
This would be funny but there’s no punchline.
I'm out bird watching with Sinead O'Connor....
so far it´s been 7 owls and 15 jays.
What has four legs and an arm?
A happy pitbull.
Why did the witch stay in a hotel during her travels?
She heard they had great broom service.
What kind of face cream does a strawberry buys?
Blackhead removal cream and scrub
When he was chewing the skeleton, the wolf got to a point and laughed. I guess that was the funny bone.
What has 4 wheels and flies?
Garbage truck
Where did the duck go when he was sick? A:
To the ducktor.
A priest is the best catch for a tiger as they like to prey.
What did Sherlock Holmes say to Watson when he noticed sandstone deposits on the river bank? "It's sedimentary, my dear Watson."
What might folks in Tokyo find between Godzilla's toes?
Slow runners.
Did you hear about the man who had nothing else to do so drilled into his own head?
He was bored to death.
My uncle was crushed by a piano...
His funeral was very low key.
Why don’t pigs eat cake? Because they’re morally opposed to bacon.
What did the orange do the night before the exam?
He put his nose to the “g-rind-stone” and read the entire textbook.
What do you call a flying monkey?
A hot air baboon.
During the pandemic, all the children asked to draw pictures of the different types of grass. The children had to submit their grass-essments online.
My sister asked me to hand her lipstick but i handed her a glue stick instead
She still won’t talk to me
How will you save yourself if you come across an aggressive alien? Give him some space.
What do you call an ant who can’t speak?
A mute ant.
I just hear that the woman who lives next door and loves fruit died. I hope she would rest in peach.