A gang of ravens scared off individual crows and cornered them together. Well, you can say that a conspiracy of ravens preplanned a murder of crows.
Drink happy thoughts.
What do cows do when they’re introduced?
They give each other a milk shake.
What trophy does a stay-at-home defencemen win? The Snorris!
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
Computers can be very good at golf because of their hard drives.
Water you doing, my friend?
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie won shu
Q. Which deer prison is escape proof?
A. Elk-atraz.
I just bought my friend a mini fridge for his birthday
I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
A young man had just returned home from culinary school and was telling his family about everything he had learned.
"The most interesting thing I learned was about the French Fry", he told them.
"Combing through historical records, we found that it was not first fried in France!"
His family was astounded, and asked where it was fried originally.
"In Grease, of course."
“Did you hear the forecast for Christmas Eve? They’re calling for rain, dear!”
If you are wondering about a peach's favorite game, it's peach ball.
when I smelled breakfast in the morning it was bacon me eggcited.
Why did the police arrest the milk after it was poured into a bowl of Fruit Loops? They witnessed him drown them. They knew he must be a cereal killer!
May the mass times acceleration be with you.
We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frost bite.
Man: "I’ve had really bad gas lately." Doctor: D"on’t worry, it will pass."
Onions are unable to store water inside them because there is always a leek.
When I asked my History teacher if he knew about Einstein's origin and history, he said, "I am relatively aware of it."
Did you hear about the conductor who was arrested for inciting violins?
They strung him up, but he didn't fret.
I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s sea salt.
They say March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb. Ewe might say it leaves sheepishly.
What do you call a pickle from the southern backwoods.
A hill-dilly.
What kind of magazine does a rock like to read?
Rolling Stone.
What kind of pictures do elves love to paint?
Elf-portraits!
A new bakery in town began ding extremely well. They said that business was definitely on the rise.
My wife hates it when I mess with her red wine. I added fruit and orange juice, and now she sangria than ever!
Nobody would ask the strawberry to go to the prom because it was past her sale by date.
How do you kill a salad? You go for the carrot-id artery.
I was going to make another mountain pun but I can't think of summit.
My wife says she’s leaving me because she thinks I’m too obsessed with astronomy.
What planet is she on?!
What do you call a bee you can't understand? A mumble bee.
What do you call a communist vampire?
A red blood count.
Why should you never expect perfection from geologists?
Because they all have their faults.
My mom is really soup-rised at the outcome when she puts yeast in the broth.
A bear walks into a bear and says, “I’ll have a pint of lager……….. and a packet of crisps.”
The bartender says, “Sure, but what’s with the big pause?”
The bear replies, “I dunno, I was born with them!”
Two detectives interrogate a 37 year old mute man. The detectives give the man a notepad which he scribbles on for a few seconds, and hands back to them.
"I'll never talk."
My race time today was much better than yesterday. I was in a whole different gear.
Who has the best place on a sailing ship?
The mast, because it has the pole-position.
Pardon me if I’m being pool-itically incorrect.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
Why did the Sun never got into college? Because it already has quite a million degrees!
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
What was the dog’s favorite book?
Winnie the Pooch. He loves to read a lot of story tails before bed.
Does February like March?
No, but April May.
Why couldnt the pumpkin have kids?
He had a halloweener.
Why did the skeleton go to the dance?
To see the boogie man.
Who is the most famous actor in Greece ?
John Travolta.